To live would be an awfully big adventure...

[Got My Hair Did Today]

2012-01-11T16:36:00.000-06:00

My hair's growing out! So which photo should I make my new profile picture? Tell me what you think.

[Almost a Record]

2011-12-12T17:54:00.002-06:00

Hey, I just noticed something... except for 2006, I've posted more entries this year than any other since I began the blog in 2000! If I didn't have Facebook and Twitter, I'd probably have double the entries (and half the readers, because I'd have to vent somewhere, and not everyone can handle that...).

Okay, nothing more to see here. I must get me some munchies so I can take something to relieve the pain so I can get some grading done.

[Pain Persists, but Dogs Divert]

2011-12-11T23:02:00.000-06:00

I had kind of a rough day today with my back. I started out on a good note--no headache, fairly clear mind, etc.; however, as soon as I walked out the door to go to church this morning (I'm going to one closer to home for now with a shorter worship service, because I'm not physically up to the longer service at my home church yet--especially not after a full week of teaching, grading, and other madness) and the sun slapped my eyes, my head started pounding and my back started aching.

I had hoped it was the start of my recovery from my wreck--but it ended up being more painful than the previous week, especially toward evening. My muscle relaxers do help, but they also break me out, so I end up taking Benadryl too. That means I can only get the relief at bedtime--which also explains why I feel better in the morning--it's still within the 12-hour relief window.

It is what it is. I got my portfolios graded last night, so I did have the freedom to rest and recline for the afternoon.

Instead, I took Sassy to Bass Pro. We both needed the exercise, and we both needed to get out. Fortunately, it didn't make me hurt worse, but while I can normally walk with Sassy at a slow pace for about three hours, we only made it a little over an hour. To my credit, even Sassy was tired, and I think it was because she can sense I'm injured, so she worked harder to keep her excitement in check, and if you know my Sassy, you know that's the ultimate challenge for her.

I have the best dog in the world. Seriously.

I did take some photos of the cutie today, since I dressed her up:

In these first few pictures, she was peeved at me for telling her to stay.

Epic pouting.

Perking up... and neckerchief straightened out

Relaxing...

I'm posing here, Mom!

Yeah, I'm a ham.

"Do you wanna--"
Baroo?!?!

Baroo?

More Baroos with my massive stacks of portfolios in the background

Good night, all. I start giving finals tomorrow at 9:15, so I best be off to bed.

[Oy]

2011-12-05T18:19:00.001-06:00

It's one of those weeks, and intensely so, minus the lactose intolerance attack.

[How the Girl Stayed Sane]

2011-11-27T04:30:00.001-06:00

I don't know about you, but in my life, it seems as though one thing going wrong ends up having a domino effect. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but I haven't really posted here for awhile; there's a reason for that...

I was too busy trying to remain sane.

When last we left off in significant blogging, I was preparing for Pets and Pumpkins. I'd just finished a portrait I gave away in a drawing, and I had just found out my cousin had extremely aggressive terminal lung cancer. Within days of my finding this out, she passed away. That was at the end of October, and the dominoes just kept on going.

The first Saturday in November, my dad and I drove up to St. Louis for her memorial service and drove back home that same day. By the time we got up there, I had a full-blown migraine. It did not stop until, well, today.

As if that weren't enough, on Tuesday the 8th, the weather was not very ideal for driving--rainy, hazy, and cold. On my way to work that morning, traffic was insane, and just as I was clearing the hill before turning into the left-turn lane to campus, I had to throw on my brakes. I stopped. The guy behind me did not. He slammed my left rear bumper, sending me ricocheting across the other eastbound lane to the right into the concrete bridge barrier on the other side. After seeing I was conscious and surprisingly clear-headed, the driver proceeded to scold me for changing lanes without using my blinker.

I hadn't changed lanes. I always pull into that left lane from the time I turn onto Chestnut, because I know I'll be making a left turn, and I don't like to change lanes without absolute necessity. Fortunately, a woman about two cars back saw what happened and backed my story. I ended up with whiplash, intensified migraines, and a mild concussion. As of this past week, I'm still getting sleep paralysis, even when I'm not sleeping on my back, which is normally how I'm sleeping when I experience it.

Outside of the pain, the dizziness, and missing two days of work (and two weeks, effectively, of my ability to do any real paperwork or painting), I'm alright. My poor little Chevy Aveo5 (Blueberry Shortcake), however, did not survive. Before even opening the hood, the car repairman estimated repairs to cost at least $10,256.

Needless to say, Blueberry Shortcake was totaled. Poor thing. Only two years old, just over 9,000 miles on it, and it's gone. Rest in peace, little hatchback.

The wheel was completely folded under. See the broken axle?

Miscellaneous structure parts

That little car served me well. There was no damage to the inside of my car, and the shell took the brunt of the force--the airbags had no need to deploy, and OnStar did help me immensely.

So, for the next two-ish weeks, my parents lived in my house and helped me shop for a new car. I put in a lot of hours browsing, comparing prices and models, researching my old car to estimate how much my insurance would give me, until I finally ended up getting the car I wanted to begin with two years ago, and even better, I ended up with a one-year-newer model.

Purty, ain't it? So many cool hidey-holes, and much more suitable for me with a big-ish dog. If I didn't have only three classes in the spring, I'd get some cute accessories (i.e. seat/steering wheel covers, some dog magnets, etc.) to personalize my new family member.

The ordeal will go on for some time yet, however. The other insurance company owes mine plenty of money, plus my $500 deductible with which I plan to install remote start on the new car. That could take awhile, and I have an appointment Thursday with a chiropractor to get my poor ole spine straightened back out. I'm still a mess... heck, I'm still up at 5:00 a.m. from getting off the pain meds and my allergy meds. I was going to go to church this morning, but at this point, sleep takes precedence, especially since there are only two weeks of classes left, and I still need to get caught up on grading. Yeesh.

So, if I've flaked and failed to call you (of whom promised I would call), now you know the story and why I can't remember to do diddly squat right now. Hang tight--I'll be calling you soon.

I did get a couple small things accomplished, though... My art business now has its own unique website:

http://www.brushstrokes-by-niki.com

...and I started a lactose-free diet blog:

http://lifeafterlactose.blogspot.com

Check 'em out and leave comments on both! Feel free to contribute to the latter--I'm new to being lactose intolerant, so a lot of the information is new to me.

I think I may finally manage to doze off now. Hasta luego.

[Brushstrokes Posts Moved]

2011-11-23T23:08:00.001-06:00

Have you heard? I've set up a separate site for my Brushstrokes by Niki business! As such, I've moved the posts over to that site to keep this one as my personal webjournal and writing blog. If you want to keep up with the art, subscribe to the RSS feed at http://www.BrushstrokesByNiki.com!

See you there!

Don't worry... I'll be posting again soon. It's been a nutty month since finishing my last painting, and I haven't had a chance to do anything but get caught up on grading and sleep to heal from my car wreck. I'm still very headachy and backachy, which has put a temporary dent in my artwork-accomplishing.

Until next time, kiddos!

[Friends and Family Who Like to "Help": Why I Gripe]

2011-11-11T18:12:00.001-06:00

Oh, wonderful, well-meaning family and friends, I want to communicate something to you that may shock or confuse you, but I have a feeling others you know feel the same way, so you might end up saving some relationships in your life.

Sometimes I like complain. I'm not asking for advice (most of the time, I really don't want any, and I'm in the wrong mood to tolerate advice). But why, you ask, do you complain for people to hear if you don't want someone to help you fix the problem? Ah, so you're the problem-solving type. You are appreciated, believe me, but your skills are not always needed. Here are a few simple equations that might help you know when to drop your well-meaning suggestions in my Facebook comments, etc.:

Complaining = Venting = Therapeutic ranting = Getting some random thoughts off my chest = Updating the world on what kind of mood I'm in that day and why it's not a good day to do those things that peeve me

Complaining =/= "Tell me what I should do to fix this," implied
Complaining =/= "I hate life and am a complete pessimist!"
Complaining =/= "Nothing good ever happens!"

"___________" =/= How I feel at all times

"What do you suggest?" = Invitation for your good advice
"Have you ever...?" = Invitation for you to share your similar experience that I might learn from your lessons learned
"Any tips?" = Invitation for tested advice
"Tell me what I should do to fix this" = Tell me what I should do to fix this
Whining about some bad luck = My bad luck is more interesting of an update today that the nice but mundane good things that happened
"Men are jerks!" = I've been insulted or hurt by some guy and I'm in a bad mood, but I don't really hate men, and I don't want to hear how the right guy will come along when I'm not looking for him or some other cliche.

Thank you for listening. I know you mean well, and I appreciate the thought, but if I'm not asking for advice, I'm not looking for it, and chances are I'm not in the mood to hear it anyway. I'm more likely to take it when I'm asking for it explicitly.

And I bet I'm not the only one. ;)

[Stay Tuned]

2011-11-11T06:58:00.001-06:00

I was in a car wreck Tuesday morning. No, I was not seriously injured, though I do have some physical issues to contend with. I'm holding off on writing the story here until it's all settled and I'm back in a car of my own. Once that happens, you'll get to read it all.

[Buy a Painting and Do Some Good]

2011-11-06T19:56:00.001-06:00

ANNOUNCING: For all paintings $150 and higher ordered and paid for by May 31 (the day before Relay for Life), Brushstrokes by Niki will donate $10 to the American Cancer Society through my Relay for Life fundraising account. Let's work together to increase the survival rate of anyone diagnosed with any cancer to 100%. No more untimely farewells for cancer.

*Disclaimer: I generally try to complete all paintings within one month, but please understand that a large number of requests (which I welcome) may push the waiting period back somewhat. Please do not let this deter you from taking advantage of this opportunity.

[Kick Cancer's Ass]

2011-11-03T22:11:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written, I know. I've been focusing on teaching and painting, mostly, but I've also been processing some painful news. Saturday, I lost another loved one to cancer, my cousin Patty. The list keeps on growing, and so does my hatred of cancer and carcinogens (cigarettes, etc.).

So, this June, I'm going to stop saying, "I'm gonna do that one of these years," and I'm joining Relay for Life. It feels a little feeble on my end, but I'm no scientist, so I can't find the cures myself. I can't do much right now to make preventative screenings and treatment available to everyone, regardless of life circumstance, when I can't even afford screenings myself (though if my application for the federal pre-existing condition insurance option goes through, which it should, I'll finally have coverage again and be able to get the screenings for which I'm years overdue). But I can help raise awareness, and I can help raise support. Every little bit may make a difference.

This is for the survivors (you know who you are!) and for the ones whose battle is over, whether it was the cancer itself or the effects the cancer left that finally had the upper hand:

In memory:
My mom, Michelle Cox Miniea (spinal cord cancer), age 26
My cousin, Patty Jacobs Frazer (lung cancer)
My aunt and Patty's mother, Carolyn Cox Jacobs (lung cancer)
My cousin, Stephanie Miller (brain tumor) age 10
My aunt, Ann Miller Allen
My grandmother, Octavo Whitley Miller (colon cancer)
Our good friend Dave Davis
Our good friend Bob Waggoner

The list in reality is much longer than this, and would be exponentially larger still were I to include those currently battling cancer and those who've beaten it, but one can only deal with so many memories in one day.

Will you help me kick cancer's flea-bitten, murderous ass?

[Na-Na, BatDog!]

2011-10-28T11:56:00.000-05:00

[Of Love and a Big Red Bird Redact]

2011-10-27T19:59:00.000-05:00

#WorldSeries

Originally written in 2005:

[OfLove and a Big Red Bird]

Youonly think you’ve got me figured out. Atfive feet tall and one hundred and mumble-mumble pounds, on the exterior, I ama calm, shy individual. Those who doactually know me best realize that I’m also overdramatic, a cut-up, and verypassionate about too many things to have any hope of leading a sane, peacefullife. I am a reader, a writer, amusician, an artist, a disciple, a friend... a lot of things, really. One thing you will be able to tell is that Iam certainly not an athlete. I’m ashort, round ball of curves and can barely lift the laptop I’m writing on now(to my credit, though, it’s an unusually heavy computer). Therefore, logic will probably lead you tobelieve that the last thing in the world that would interest me is sports. But, I’m afraid your sense of logic hasfailed you this time. What happens whenI put on my favorite sweatshirt, a slightly faded St. Louis Blues sweatshirt? While I may not be able to run more than ablock without utterly collapsing of oxygen deprivation, and while the onlything I seem to be able to catch is a big, fat cold, I possess an unquenchablydeep appreciation for home-city professional sports—especially for the St.Louis Cardinals.

Twoyears ago, when my preciousssssss (Ahem. Sorry, I started to channel Gollum for a moment there) team won thepre-World-Series play-offs in the final game, I screamed and danced giddily inspastic circles along with half of the residents of Campbell Apartments. I’m sure I was hearingroars of delight coming from the nearest dorms, about a quarter mile away. My roommate, who did not exactly share my lovefor a little white ball with red stitching, came home during thecelebration. While she didn’t put itinto words, her facial expression clearly demonstrated her conviction that Ihad finally snapped. I didn’t carethough. I was sure my heart would burstwith delight at the culmination of that game’s adrenaline! Throughout the apartment complex, cheerscarried on through half the night. Somehow, that game united us St. Louis area baseballfans in a way that the often territorial burgs of the metropolis come nowherenear.

Muchof the love I have for this team clearly stems from home city loyalty. The first eight years of my life, being thedevelopmental years, fully instilled a deep love for all thingsArch-related. I may not have lived in St. Louis for the pastfourteen years, but nevertheless, I steadfastly stand firm in the convictionthat St. Louis ismy home. The joy I felt the night myteam claimed victory, however, goes beyond mere hometown loyalty or even purelove of the game of baseball. But themost genuine love I possess for my dear Cardinals is rooted in a woman onlyseventeen years older than me. This teamlinks my mother and me together.            Atnineteen years old, with a two-year-old daughter in tow and a husband who was quitefrankly not ready to be a husband, my mother was diagnosed with cancer of thespinal cord. Given six months to live, sheslowly lost the use of her limbs, one by one. To top it all off, as she gradually came to completely rely on awheelchair to move until she finally became a full-fledged quadriplegic, herhusband Michael turned tail and ran, desperately afraid of the responsibility.

Ihave a dim memory, from around two years of age, helping her put on a pair ofshorts. For many years, I believed ithad been a dream, but as I learned more about her decline, I realize that itwas a memory. I had actually stood byher bed, holding her shorts out, as she strained to lift her legs, one-by-one,and slip them into a pair of shorts. Themere act of getting dressed exhausted her. Soon, steroids bloated her small frame up to awhopping 220 pounds. The stunninglybeautiful young woman who had gone through life with an energy and stamina tobe reckoned with was now blown up 100 pounds heavier and confined to awheelchair and a hospital bed for the rest of her life, learning to find solacein more inactive interests, such as reading those Danielle Steele books, and watching soapoperas and televised sports.

Anyonewho had known her before cancer ravaged her young body could no longerrecognize the post-cancer Michelle.

Shebecame a living miracle, a true survivor, as she outlived her six-monthprognosis by six and a half years. Oneday, my grandfather (who would eventually adopt me and become “Dad”) asked herwhere something was in her room. Withoutthinking, she jerked her thumb toward the dresser behind her, her hand actuallysupported with her entire arm, andtold him, “Over there.” Father anddaughter stared at one another in shock as the realization set in. For the first time in almost three years, shehad moved a limb! Within weeks, with theaid of specialized silverware, she was feeding herself again. For a formerly independent woman now in herearly twenties, this was a step toward living a full life again.

Lyingin that bed, she never missed a game. Shecheered with all her might for her Cardinals and her hockey Blues team, whetherthe games were aired via television or KMOX radio waves. One year, I believe it was for her birthday,Dad, Mom (my grandparents who had adopted my by this point), and I decided tohonor her love of sports. After anextensive search for an authentic memorabilia dealer, we bought her about ahundred dollars worth of St. Louis Blues memorabilia, including matching motherand daughter headbands with a typically 90s and ridiculously gaudy, bright blue ribbon placed strategicallyto the side, glittered with musical note gold confetti.

Becausemy mother was so young when she became sick, the Make-A-Wish foundation made anexception for her age, and granted her heartfelt wish: they would escort herand her family (Mom, Dad, and I) to Busch Stadium every year and treat us to ahome game on or around her July 6^th birthday. For a week before her birthday, theexcitement in our house escalated. Then,for about three years running, two members from this generous organization camerumbling up our street each year in a van custom-made for a wheelchair. Mom or Dad would wheel her out to the curbwhere, as her face glowed with an ecstatic smile, the wheelchair lift pulledher into the van. After a half hour (orlonger, depending on St. Louistraffic), Busch Stadium slowly came into view, and we piled out of the van,using the lift to get her out. Her facealways nearly cracked as she beamed with excitement. Then we would wheel into stadium, inhalingthe slightly stale aromas of hotdogs, popcorn, and Anheiser Busch beer.

Oneyear, we had the honor of meeting one of the munchkins from The Wizard of Oz movie. Another year (or perhaps the same one),Redbird posed in a picture with us, and we got autographs from such classic Cardinalplayers as Vince Coleman. I don’t honestlyremember if the Cards won those years. Idon’t think it mattered, honestly. Shewas happy to be there, with her team, with her life, and with us, herfamily.             Wemoved away from St. Louiswhen I was around eight years old, but my heart remained. Neither of us, my mother nor I, ceased tocheer for our teams. Barely a year afterthe move, though she had begun to regain feeling in her legs, she lost thebattle for life. A post-surgeryinfection rapidly spread into her lungs, and her body, worn out from the effortto survive, gave up. On April 14, 1993, she heldMom and Dad’s hand and smiled peacefully when her Savior came to take her home,to give her rest.

Nowthat she’s gone, I’ve inherited her big Blues sweatshirt; I curl up in thatsweater when missing her becomes too intense. Scarcely a month goes by that I am not overcome with a wave ofgrief. She more than a mother, she wasmy dearest friend. Because I was onlynine years old when she died, time has faded most of my memories. There are days I can barely recall the gentlevoice that so often said, “Niki-Honey” with incomparable affection. But somehow, I stroke the arms of that bigblue sweatshirt, the stiff fabric texture (that has now grown soft through theyears) still vividly reminds me of hugging her again.

Iwould give almost anything to go back to one of those days I had with her andrelive it. Even though I have fewtangible memories left of those birthday games, I’ll never forget what weshared or the joy on her face. When thestadium was torn down in 2005, a piece of my heart went with it. The day the Cards made it to the WorldSeries, I cheered at the top of my lungs. I think I even cried. Then, asthe chaos subsided, I stepped outside and looked up at the stars.

Thetears streamed down my face as I laughed and cried all at once.

“Theydid it, Mom... They won for you.”

[Winning! Sorry, Charlie...]

2011-10-23T01:02:00.003-05:00

Here's the painting I gave away in a prize drawing at Pets and Pumpkins:

Sassy, Acrylics on Stretched Canvas, 16x20", completed 10/21/11

I'm wiped out. It was fantabulous day weather-wise, and Sassy was unusually well-behaved for most of the day. Still, it was a long one, and I imagine I'll be hitting the hay before long.

[Spaghetti the Puppy--Complete!]

2011-10-12T21:21:00.002-05:00

Painting info moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/10/spaghetti-puppy-complete.html

In other news, as of Sunday the 9th, I'm 28. Weird.

[Spaghetti the Puppy - Day 2]

2011-10-04T17:00:00.001-05:00

Painting info moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/10/spaghetti-puppy-day-two.html

Plus, Sassy's self-pity! She's got another earache--other ear this time, and to try to keep her from shaking the meds out, I wrapped her ears up for awhile.

[Sassy Sings to Batman Again]

2011-09-29T14:17:00.001-05:00

[New Painting Completed!]

2011-09-22T16:51:00.005-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/09/new-painting-completed.html

[Nostalgic Video of the Day]

2011-09-22T07:35:00.002-05:00

Are you having a rough morning? I present to you now the remedy:

Follow that up with this, and you'll have a great week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIqofVwYi4I

[Hodgepodge of Thoughts, Reactions, and Observations]

2011-09-20T23:24:00.002-05:00

I've seen two of the three new shows I intended to check out this fall, and so far, they're grandslams in my book.

2 Broke Girls? Surprisingly entertaining, and managed to avoid overdoing sitcomy stereotypes. Oh, some of the characters are stereotypical, at least when you first meet them, but as you get to know their characters (particularly the characters for whom the show is named), they really manage to transcend the "spoiled rich girl gone broke (ala The Simple Life) or trying to understand how the little people live" (she's not as clueless as she seems) and the "streetwise girl with a heart of gold" (usually the character with whom you want to sympathize, but she's actually got few issues to overcome). Definitely promising.

New Girl, though, that one's moved straight to the top of my must-see list. She so dorky, so unabashedly nerdy, so awkward... I feel like I'm seeing what my life would be like if I were a little more traditionally attractive. Maybe. It may just be Elizabeth Bennet syndrome. Either way, though, I felt like Jess and I were soul sisters.

Schmidt: I'll be, like, your guide.
Jessica Day: Like Gandalf... through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... okay... first off, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one's going to find them.
Jessica Day: Except Sméagol...
[whispers] He lives in a cave.

Awesome. And I've decided that creepy guy from Walmart last week needs to donate to the Douche Jar. Fo' sho.

Eureka, don't go! SyFy, you officially suck for not renewing my favorite American dramedy on cable. Get rid of shows like Eureka, but keep wrestling? On a channel, badly-spelled but still, called SciFi?? C'mon. Let ESPN or Spike have shows like that. There are more of us geeks out there than you realize who have only become aware of some of these gems in their last seasons! That cliffhanger, though? I have to wait 8-10 months to find out what happens?!

Seriously, people, it's my love of an escapist story--a lifelong love affair--that led me down the English major road and all its unemployable (full-time, anyway) glory. I couldn't care less whether a book is canon or not; I just love a good story that employs clever dialogue, wit, and wordplay. It's also the root of my obsessions with:

Lord of the Rings
Gilmore Girls
Eureka
Warehouse 13
pretty much any classic screwball comedy
The Eyre Affair
Wee Free Men
Jane Austen
Jane Eyre
Doctor Who
The Batman tv series from the 1960s (cheesy, but on purpose and very tongue-in-cheek)
British humor in general
and more

In other words, it's the stuff that's enjoyable just based on the plots but become downright fascinating and hilarious when you've got the knowledge, education, and awareness to pick up on the depth added through references, nerd-in-on-the-joke one-liners, etc.

So look out, World! Any remaining hesitation to reveal the nerd-chic chick within that survived graduating from "The Harvard of the Midwest" *chuckle* is gone now. I shall henceforth let the dork shine like an honor instead of shame, and if you can't handle that or find it mockable, then good riddance! I'm me, and I feel good about it.

Namárië!

[My First Art Show--and My 500th Blog Post!]

2011-09-20T10:05:00.002-05:00

For those of you who've been wondering when and and where I'll be showing my art, I have a booth on Saturday at Dog Fest. Think of it as my first art show. ;) I really hope to see you (and your dog[s]) there if you're in or near Springfield! Here's the flyer with more information:

http://www.parkboard.org/info/dog_park/pdfs/dogfest11.pdf

I'm pretty excited about it, because as any of you who are artists know, the photograph of a painting does not show the full use of color and details that a live viewing reveals. I'm really hoping this creates an interest in my work and opens up a few new doors. Feel free to help me spread the word!

[Sassy vs..... Batman?!?!?!?]

2011-09-19T16:14:00.001-05:00

[My New Workstation]

2011-09-17T16:40:00.001-05:00

Here it is!

[My Sexy New Desk]

2011-09-16T21:05:00.001-05:00

I did end up getting a new desk, but rather than replacing the old one, I placed the new one so I almost have an L-shaped corner desk (the corner holds the printer and computer tower). Plus, I now have room to stretch my legs under my desk when I'm typing and writing! Whoo-hoo!

I've taken the plastic cover off the old desk, touched up the paint where it came off from it, and once it dries, I'll use it for a writing desk and for business files and boxes (I'll post a pic tomorrow so you can see the whole thing complete).

Here it is, though... my personal style in a nutshell, minus the lack of colors--contemporary, whimsical, and clean lines. Love it!

Oh, and a new mousepad--made from recycled materials, too!

[Like a Thief in the Night]

2011-09-16T07:49:00.002-05:00

This morning, as I sit here at the desk checking emails, blogs, and headlines, I'm eating a bowl of Cinnamon Chex (which, to my happy surprise, tastes like Cinnamon Toast Crunch). As I get close to the bottom of the bowl, I wonder to myself if Sassy will hear the spoon scrape the bottom and run in to lick the last bits of taste left, or if I'll have to call her. Just as I'm putting the last bite into my mouth, I start to turn around toward the doo--

Whoa! (I rub my head after hitting in on the ceiling jumping so high in shock) She's been in here for awhile--staring intensely at my back, her nose about three inches from my right hip, eyes fully dilated in full focus on my cereal bowl. How long has she been sitting there? She wasn't there when I started eating! How did she manage to escape my peripheral vision, since the doorway is still just within my indirect view?

I'm starting to think we named her wrong. Perhaps a better name for her would be...

Phantom?

Shadow? Shade?

Thing That Goes Bump in the Night?

Draculette?

Ninja?

Rosie Cotton? (What? Hobbits are known for being able to move silently when they do not wish to be seen... Yes, I know, that makes me a geek, and yes, I'm okay with that.)

[Intentional Hiatus This Week]

2011-09-15T23:03:00.001-05:00

I'm still here, thinking, creating, and writing, but I've intentionally refrained from blogging this week. It's been one of those weeks for a number of reasons (including finding out about a couple of recent deaths, another IBS attack that kept me home from work Monday, Sassy snagging her dew claw (again), migraines every day this week, some creepy dude propositioning me at WalMart on Tuesday, my doctor claiming he couldn't write a letter of pre-existing conditions for me to get on state insurance because I haven't been to see him (or any other still-locally-practicing doctor) since 2009, moving my lamp on my desk today and watching it peel off some of the new paint, PMDD mood swings, etc.), and I knew if I wrote anything, it would read as uber-fatalistic and depressed.

So relax... I'm still around, still blogging--just refraining from posting anything but this explanation until I can avoid sounding too hysterical or emotional. :)

[DIY Done]

2011-09-11T15:34:00.001-05:00

Well, here it is, step by step, including the final product at the end of the post, in all its glory (handles chosen by availability in the end). Let me know what you think! Did I succeed in modernizing my desk, or did I desecrate an antique? Me, personally, I'm delighted with it. By the way, the color is mostly accurate in the second-to-last photo.

[DIY Decision]

2011-09-09T20:06:00.002-05:00

After browsing thrift stores and vintage furniture shops and seeing a number of piece shaped a bit like mine but painted a bright color, I opted to paint my desk. I'm pretty sure it's going to look H-A-W-T, judging by the outcome of my desk drawers (keep in mind I took this photo after dark with artificial lighting, so the color is a smidge off):

They match my front door. ;)

So, I've got two choices left to make, preferably by tomorrow evening, and I want your feedback:

First, painting the leather inserts on the desktop: white, yellow (my walls), or green (like the background of my bulletin board?

Second, which of the following pulls should I replace my current ornate ones with? I like all four equally, and compared to others I liked, the price is right:

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Liberty-64mm-Delicate-Cabinet-Pull-Distressed-Oil-Rubbed-Bronze/15524575
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Liberty-Satin-Nickel-64mm-Tapered-Bow-Pull/15054056
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Liberty-64mm-Tapered-Bow-Cabinet-Pull-Distressed-Oil-Rubbed-Bronze/15524736
http://www.lowes.com/pd_224399-77652-Z438-64-BNI_0__?productId=1235543&Ntt=64mm+pull&pl=1&currentURL=%2Fpl__0__s%3FNtt%3D64mm%2Bpull&facetInfo=

It may come down to in-store availability, but what's your first choice? Let me know in the comments!

[Video: Wrong Worship]

2011-09-07T10:44:00.000-05:00

From Jesus Needs New PR:

Love it. First off, it's satire--humorous exaggeration rooted in truth. If you don't get it or find it funny, let me know so I can introduce you to the art of satire and unoffended self-deprecation. Secondly, such talented musicians! Such talented deadpan comedy! Ah, brilliant.

"I surrender some..."

[So... What Did YOU Do Today?]

2011-09-03T19:24:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I consider it a successful day if I get to sleep in past 10 and still manage to load the dishwasher and paint one-and-a-half portraits.

Angus: mostly complete, minus some brightening details
Acrylics on Stretched Canvas, 16"x20"

Layer one of Logan's painting... stay tuned for more!

[DIY Dilemma--What Do You Think?]

2011-09-01T11:07:00.000-05:00

So, I've got this antique desk that my mom bought for me at an auction. She paid something like $50 for it--for me--and, apparently, it's worth a lot more. In fact, there's one on Ebay (in better condition) up for auction for $579. I do like that it's got a ton of drawers for storage, and it's pretty sturdy, although the drawer faces drive me nuts by popping out of their notches all the time. But the thing is, my taste is far more modern or contemporary. I like clean lines, streamlined storage, and bright colors (though white or black would suit me fine!). Mom "knows" this, but somehow, she managed to pick out the one that's probably the most old-worldish you could probably find out there--bulging shape, ornate hardware, leather top (the pattern mostly worn off)--and she bought it because it's worth a lot of money.

Now, the finish is thin in many spots, especially on the top, and it's never going to bring in full price in a sale, auction or otherwise. so I'd like to modernize it by painting it. Yes, we're talking about me, so I'd probably end up going with teal (like my door and accent color in the office) or white, not a traditional color. It'd make up for the nicks and scratches, while making the ornate, French provincial shape more palatable for me. I called Mom to ask her how she'd feel about that (I didn't mention teal, though... that'd be pushing my luck, I'm sure), and that's when she told me why she bought it--its worth. And I verified it online. But she gave me her [reluctant] blessing, saying that it was mine to do with what I wished. She said okay, but her voice bespoke disappointment... as usual. Implication: Be artistic! You're smart! You're talented! I love anything you do--as long as it's my style.

Cue the guilt.

Honest truth? I think it's hideous. It feels massive (though it, in reality, takes up no more space than most streamlined desks), bulging (which gives it the massive feel), nicked, faded, and about as in-between of a color as my natural hair color (and we all know what that's led me to do for the past ten years). And, to me anyway, it seems to be at war with my otherwise lovely yellow walls. If you like traditional style, it's great, but I'm definitely a lover of mod and contemp. Here's what it looks like:

So, dear readers, what do you think? Should I grin and bear it out of gratitude and guilt and respect for antiques, should I try to sell it for something that's more my taste, or should I let my artistic juices flow and paint the thing teal (white with a black dog in the house is asking for trouble) with chrome or brushed nickel hardware, and just ignore the eye-rolling from my mother? I'm honestly torn and genuinely want your input, so please let me know your opinion.

Over and out!

[Nicely Put]

2011-08-31T14:30:00.000-05:00

Christina Drayton: [to her bigoted assistant, Hilary, in the driveway] Now I have some instructions for you. I want you to go straight back to the gallery - Start your motor - When you get to the gallery tell Jennifer that she will be looking after things temporarily, she's to give me a ring if there's anything she can't deal with herself. Then go into the office, and make out a check, for "cash," for the sum of $5,000. Then carefully, but carefully Hilary, remove absolutely everything that might subsequently remind me that you had ever been there, including that yellow thing with the blue bulbs which you have such an affection for. Then take the check, for $5,000, which I feel you deserve, and get - permanently - lost. It's not that I don't want to know you, Hilary - although I don't - it's just that I'm afraid we're not really the sort of people that you can afford to be associated with.
[Hilary opens her mouth to say something]
Christina Drayton: Don't speak, Hilary, just... go.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967), Katharine Hepburn as Christina Drayton

[You Ready For THIS?]

2011-08-29T12:09:00.003-05:00

Quite possibly the most unexpected video/audio mash-up I've ever encountered. Honestly... I'm speechless.

[Nostalgic Video of the Day]

2011-08-26T12:04:00.002-05:00

My latest discovery, thanks to that Faerie Tale Theatre DVD I bought for Cinderella:

The Princess and the Pea, starring Liza Minnelli and Tom Conti! I was really surprised by this one--I actually enjoyed it just as much as an adult viewer as a reminiscent look back to the 80s. If I saw this one growing up, I forgot due to not catching it on video tape. Enjoy!

[Nostalgic Video of the Day]

2011-08-23T18:58:00.000-05:00

Cinderella, featuring Eve Arden, Jean Stapleton, Edie McClurg, Jennifer Beals, and Matthew Broderick, from 1985? Heck yes!

My DVD came today--it went on sale again, and I wasn't about to miss it again. Like yesterday's Sleeping Beauty was the version I grew up with, so is this version of Cinderella.

Gah... I love 80s cinema!

*Edit: Argh! One of these days I'll learn not to add things to a post from my cell phone. It autocorrected several names without my noticing til the next day. Boy, some days...

[Blearily Blinking in Bemusement]

2011-08-23T06:45:00.002-05:00

Well, I did a little better last night... I think I managed 4.5 hours of sleep. Still, that nap's going to happen today, since it's a shorter day (I'm finished by 10 a.m.), and since yesterday Dad called me five minutes into my nap attempt, throwing me off my game. I'm definitely forcing myself to sit up at my desk, stare at Blogger's overly white background, and gulp down my generic brand Diet Mt. Dew until the worst of the drowsies have been fended off. It may surprise you to hear this, knowing I'm not a morning person and that I'm a hopeless night owl, but I do actually prefer morning classes. They get my day over with earlier, so I can spend the remainder of it being relatively productive. When I get off work in the afternoons, nighttime sneaks up on me too fast, and I find myself needing to get ready for bed again before I've really gotten anything accomplished.

I just don't like getting up before the sun. It never feels like it's morning when it's still dark out.

Apparently this is all my brain is capable of articulating this morning. At least today I'll be, so to speak, reading from the script [read: syllabus], so I won't need to be thinking of any lessons this morning. That takes some of the pressure off. ;)

Over and out, kids! Happy Tuesday!

[Nostalgic Video of the Day JACKPOT!!!]

2011-08-22T19:42:00.001-05:00

Now THIS is the Sleeping Beauty I grew up watching. I so wish it were available in the US on DVD.

I admit, I was a little disappointed I didn't grow up to look just like Rosebud. Hehe.

[Ay-yi-yi-yi...]

2011-08-22T11:21:00.000-05:00

Three hours is a long gap between classes, especially this early in the semester. I thought I'd spend this time setting up my gradebook, but of course the moment I decide to get started, all the OTC network portals (AccessOTC, Blackboard, etc.) are draaaaaaaaaaaagging. Too many people on at once, I guess, and there are something like 4,000 new students this semester. Meanwhile, Blogger and Facebook are working fine, but they're both pretty uneventful.

If I'd only gotten more than three hours of sleep last night, I might be able to come up with something interesting to do to kill time.

I could really use a nap in the worst way. Until a half hour ago, I felt fine, but sleep deprivation has finally caught up with me. I do wish I weren't such a night owl.

Yeah, that's all I've got. Sad, eh?

[Childhood Flashbacks]

2011-08-21T23:56:00.003-05:00

The pup has an ear infection. I took her to the vet Friday when the [what I thought were] ear mites were still hanging around, and while all the external symptoms fit with mites (minus the bugs, but I figured I'd overlooked them), a lab test showed that it was actually a yeast infection. Poor dog... I've been there. In fact, the entire first ten years of my life I was there.

And she doesn't like the ear drops any more than I did.

I don't know if they hurt her ear (they did mine... but then again, thanks to tubes, I had holes in my eardrums, so I had a reason to feel pain), but I understand why she struggles. Twice a day. Yeah, it's tiring.

Well, classes are back in session tomorrow. I'll confess to a few nerves this semester. It's been awhile since I've tackled two different classes (three sections of one, one of the other) in one semester, and that was only once, and one of the classes is one I struggled with last time I taught it. Of course, this time, we're in a computer lab classroom, which I'm fairly confident will solve 90% of the problems I had the last time, but those kind of memories tend to stick around.

I'm off to a good start, though. I did get all the major documents updated, revised some assignments, and got all four blogs up and running. The only thing I'm behind on is setting up the gradebook, but I can tackle that tomorrow during my downtime. There won't be any assignments to grade before Wednesday at the earliest, so I'm in the clear.

All four of my classes are full... conferencing weeks are going to be quite hectic, I'm sure. Plus, one section, my 102 section is on a different schedule, so sometimes their conferencing weeks will clash with 101's weeks, while times I'll be doing theirs on different weeks.

Oh, and all this while kicking my painting up a notch.

I guess that might explain the knot I've got in my shoulders.

Why am I still up? Good question... I just know me. My mind's going a million miles per second, and until I get good and drowsy from Benadryl, I know I won't fall asleep, so it'd be pointless to try. I'm just going to tackle a couple online puzzles until I'm struggling to think of basic words, and then I'm off to bed, praying for no back-to-school annual nightmares. Yeah... every year. Every semester even. The most common one is dreaming that it's close to finals week, and because I got distracted, I forgot about one of my classes after the first day... and for the rest of the semester. Sometimes I'm the teacher, sometimes I'm the student (and sometimes I'm both... even in the same class!), but either way, I've screwed myself over royally.

Yeesh.

Until next time, readers!

[Back to School Shopping Score]

2011-08-17T18:16:00.001-05:00

In addition to a couple cute tops Mom bought for me last week, I managed to snag a few staple pieces today that should last me a few years, being fairly classic yet still modern looks. Using the money I'll earn tomorrow by attending the developmental education seminar, I managed to score: a teal wraparound-look blouse, a black-and-white dress (finally! And get this--it was a size TWO! and it FIT!), a flyaway cardigan, a skinny silver belt, and a wide red belt.

Rock star! And the way I looked at it, if these things fit me today (minus some obligatory bulge that's due to the bloat) during my "fat" time of month, just think how awesome they'll look on me when I stop retaining water again! Nothing like successful shopping to take one's mind off the cramps. ;)

Rock star!

[Late-Night Nervous Breakdowns]

2011-08-17T13:29:00.002-05:00

To understand my current state, take this post, and add the biggest *&^%()&$ brown spider* (to distinguish it from the bigger but less creepy brightly colored ones you see outside sometimes) that I've ever seen or killed in my bathroom last night just as I was about to take a bath. I managed to sleep last night only by taking an extra Benadryl and shivering/sobbing until I finally fell asleep close to four in the morning. I really thought I had gotten my arachnophobia under control. I could see one of those evil creatures, calmly grab a tissue (or ten), squish it, and flush it, with only a mild shiver. That is, until I saw that one-or-two inch body with eight hideous legs attached crawling out from behind the trash can in my bathroom. Oh, I killed it, but doing so was seriously traumatic.

This is why I need to get married to someone not afraid of spiders.

By the way, my dog is amazing. She remained calm while I screeched, cursed, and bawled, then crawled into bed with me and cuddled close while I shivered and sniffled until I finally calmed down. I'm telling you, once we get her over her people-ZOMG!!!-OH-WONDERFUL-PEOPLE-freak-out-greetings, I think she'd make a wonderful therapy dog or service dog, and I plan to get her qualified when she reaches that point. What a champ!

And now that my Excedrin Menstrual Complete is working, I'm off to get dressed, go to Wally World, and get some more bug spray, since I used all I had left last night. Yech.

*I did check online after killing the damned thing, and it wasn't a brown recluse, thankfully. Different body shape and different pattern on the back. Still... taking no chances!

[Master Bedroom Fantasy Floral Abstract]

2011-08-13T21:07:00.000-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/08/master-bedroom-fantasy-floral-abstract.html

[Snooty I and Sassy I]

2011-08-13T16:22:00.003-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/08/snooty-i-and-sassy-i.html

[Fabuloso Whole Wheat Pancake Batter Recipe]

2011-08-13T13:04:00.001-05:00

1 cup whole wheat flour (I usually add another tablespoon ortwo)

2 tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. salt

1 cup buttermilk (or 1 cup milk and 1 tbs. lemon juice)

1 tbs. honey

3 tbs. oil

2 eggs

1 tsp. of vanilla extract

1-2 tbs. of carobor cocoa powder

If you want some extra chocolate, throw in some chocolate chips.

If I double the batter, itusually lasts me about one work week, with 2-3 (1/3 cup of batter-sized) pancakes per meal. My favorite topping is the generic for Nutella.Enjoy!

[Free Publicity Friday]

2011-08-12T00:00:00.000-05:00

Extra, Extra! Read all about it!

As you know, I spend a fair amount of time plugging my endeavors: my art, my writing, my classes, and my thoughts in general. But I also spend an inordinate amount of time checking out others' blogs, businesses, art, etc., and I know some of you are looking for a chance to spread the word about your own endeavors.

So, I now present the inaugural Free Publicity Friday! Every Friday I remember, I'll present you an opportunity to plug your projects in the comments section below. What do you want to share with the world? What are you trying to launch? Scurry on over to this post on my blog (the comments on FB are gone in no time, but the comments on the actual site will stick around longer) and let us know what you're about.

And who knows... you may soon find your project linked on the site! (If it already is, go ahead and share anyway.) So plug away!

[Stay Tuned]

2011-08-09T22:28:00.001-05:00

Part 2 is postponed until tomorrow due to an unexpected and particularly nauseating IBS attack. My apologies!

[Nostalgic Video of the Day]

2011-08-09T10:54:00.002-05:00

[Road Trips, and Roomies, and Repairs... Oh, My! (Part 1)]

2011-08-08T22:48:00.001-05:00

It all began quietly enough about a week ago Sunday. After cleaning house in case my mother decided to show off my house in my absence while dropping someone off at the airport, I set off to lock up my house before spending four days with the family. You know that can't go smoothly in my life. True to form, I discovered that two of my new windows wouldn't lock, and after an annoyed discussion with my dad on the telephone ( in which he implied that I must be doing something wrong, which I naturally resented being a surprisingly handy single girl when it comes to repairs of that nature, because of which I threw a few testy retorts his way while I tried to wrestle said windows shut), I secured the windows by other means and hit the road with Sassy, hoping I'd remembered everything.

Naturally, that night: no toothbrush. Argh. Strike one.

Tuesday morning, Mom asked us to go home a couple days early, citing the need for Dad to come fix my windows. Well, as it turns out, they'd merely come open a little at the top but were too stubborn to go up without a fight (even from my dad). That problem solved, Dad sent home after a romp with the dog, I noticed it felt warm. Too warm for 72 degrees, which is my preferred daytime AC temp (yes, I'm a wimp... sue me). Sure enough, once again, the coolant had quit cooling in my AC. Confident that it was merely a matter of letting it rest, like before, I turned off the AC for the night, turned it back on toward morning (wrinkling my nose at my sweaty bed linens), and hoped for the best. For now, it was working again. However, later Thursday afternoon, it got warm in the house again. This time, it wouldn't need rest. It was done for. One month left of a summer of record-breaking heat, and my 30-year-old AC gave up the ghost. Hoping the fans would get me through until I left to visit my best friend Andrea on Friday morning (a visit to which I was really looking forward), I blocked off all thermal leaks as best I could and hunkered down under the ceiling fan.

That night, as I was winding down and clearing out my DVR as much as I could, a bright flash of light startled me, and a roll of thunder confused me. A storm? Really? It'd been awhile! As I tuned in to Ky3 Weather 24/7, after having to retune my antenna due to having tinkered with a couple new electronic connections, just as the pixellation started to form a picture, my world went black. 1:30 in the morning, 90 degrees outside, 100% humidity, the house still 80 degrees from the AC going out, and now, no fans, no electricity, and no deep sleep before a 3.5 hour drive and Sassy's first road trip.

Really?!

As I looked outside, I could tell the outage was only my house or my side of the street, as all the lights were still on at Boys and Girls Town across the street. So, I called the utility company's automatic outage reporting number, expecting my lights to come back on within half an hour to an hour of the storm's end.

No luck. The storm tapered off around 3:30 in the morning, but by 5:30, the lights were still out. My cell phone was down to half a battery as it rang--City Utilities calling to see if they'd succeeded in restoring my power. Press 1 to confirm, or press 2 if the power is still out. The number 2 button lit up on my phone as I poked it. Forty-five minutes later, cell phone down to 1/3 of a battery, rinse and repeat. Finally, 6:45, a cool breeze filled the room, and my phone beeped a warning just in time to charge up. I danced for joy (a little off-balance for the whole two hours of sleep I'd gotten) and sent Andrea a text message to let her know I'd be delayed, having not had a chance to finish packing beginning at six as I'd intended.

Finally, at nearly 10:00 a.m., half an hour later than the one hour goal range I'd planned for leaving thanks to another sudden and severe thunderstorm, I loaded the car with the bags and the dog, locked up the house as tight as possible, notified everyone who was going to track and pray for our drive, backed out the driveway, and headed north, just as the rain picked back up. Sassy squealed excitedly from the back seat, taking advantage of the packed floor to attempt to crawl in the front seat. That cemented my plan to stop on the way to buy her a seat harness. Though the rain poured like crazy as we ran into Pet Warehouse, by the time we came out, the rain had cleared back out.

However, not two miles down the road, Sassy's excited squeals turned panicked, and a glance in the mirror told me she'd managed to get ridiculously tangled in her new harness and the seatbelt. As soon as I could, I pulled over and set to work resetting Sassy's seating arrangements as she, in her panic, shut down and refused to move her 55-pound butt so I could get her untangled very easily. Finally, as I sat back down, pulled out, and listened to Sassy resume her excited whimpers, I knew it was going to be a long three or four hours...

To be continued tomorrow.

[Stay Tethered or Break Free?]

2011-08-04T12:54:00.000-05:00

Before I begin my venting, a non-related thought. The blog's got a new look! Have you seen it yet? It's making me feel pretty cheery. I still don't have favorite colors, but I have colors of the moment and power colors, and these are mine. Step outside your RSS reader and come on by!

And, now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I just wrapped up a three day visit with my parents. They're good people who want what's best for me and want to make sure I'm secure in the world. Totally great. Totally understood. Really. I just think that we have different ideas of, well, a lot. Now, so far, they've been supportive of my art venture. Mom's been showing off print-offs of my pieces and helping spread the word at her church and in the family. Thanks! I'm grateful. They want me to keep doing this, and they're actually the ones who originally suggested doing something like this, so they get credit for planting the seed.

However, sometimes they place more emphasis on worldly success than makes me comfortable. Yes, I'd love to be well-off and have a stable income. Really. That's been my goal with the adjunct teaching all this time. But my ideal would be to be a full-time artist, not a teacher, and make enough money to remain comfortably out of debt and free to indulge once in a while.

Don't get me wrong--I like teaching, and most days, I like dealing with my students. I like helping them. But there's a mentality and even a hostility I get from a select few every semester that creates a perpetual sense of dread when I have to deal with their resentment, overtly or not, day in and day out. I like to be liked. It really bugs me when I'm creating plans and assignments to benefit my students' mastery of writing, and then I read some vicious slams in the end-of-the-semester evaluations. Granted, this is more than balanced out by those who enjoyed the class, worked hard, and allowed these activities to benefit them. However, they aren't usually the ones who take the time to fill out the evaluations. And I suck at the thick-skinned, laugh-it-off attitude. It hurts a lot. So, given the opportunity should my art take off and gain enough of a following that I could reasonably make it my full-time work, yeah, I wouldn't look back.

Unfortunately, I mentioned this to my parents, thinking they would support the idea of my pursuing my dream. After all, weren't they the ones who always said that I could do whatever I wanted to do [occupationally] when I grew up? Weren't they the ones who suggested it to begin with? And didn't I make it clear in the conversation that I wasn't talking about right now, but down the line if or when I have steady income coming from the art, equal to or greater than my teaching salary [I did, by the way... I emphasized that over and over again]? But they panicked--Mom in particular, but Dad did the same a little more indirectly by essentially saying the same thing while pretending to see it my way. We talked and argued for a long time. I cried.

Yeah, it bugs me. I had really felt at peace about this whole art thing. I felt like the door was opening at the right time, giving me the opportunity to do what we all dream of doing--pursuing my passion as a career. I mean, if no one took a risk and pursued his or her dreams, we'd all be little worker drones in cubicles (no, there's nothing wrong with being that, but it's not something EVERYONE should do). I mean, I'm in my 20s (late 20s, granted, but 20s all the same), with no family to support--just a mortgage to pay. What better time to do this? I could wait until retirement, yes, but what's the guarantee I'll even live that long? We're not promised today, much less making it to retirement. And I'm not seeing a lot of full-time teaching opportunities coming my way, so it's not like I'm managing to save up for retirement. So I want to try. And that scares my parents, robbing me of their support when I want it most. (No, they don't read this blog, so kindly don't mention this to them, please?)

Now, I get where they're coming from. No, really, I do. They're pretty transparent about it without saying it outright, but they're in their 70s now. Dad's 73, and Mom will be this month, and their health could be far better. They know the realities of being senior citizens, and they worry about me. They want to make sure that I'm safe and secure, with no need of emergency rescuing, should their time come. I get it. I respect that. But I've lived that way too long--never taking any risks, never taking a chance on something. I've always taken the safe route and lived in fear of screwing up. It's not healthy. And so yes, I resent their continued cultivation of that particular neurosis. I see where it's stunted my growth and relationships, and I want to change it. I'm not talking about throwing all caution to the wind, but rather taking some reasonable steps further.

I just wish they'd stop trying to talk me out of it. I mean, they've successfully talked me out of: studying abroad, becoming a missionary, taking road trips, and more. They don't realize just how much of an influence they do have on my choices, however vocal I may be when resisting.

There's a reason I have the quote from J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan that I have as my blog title: "To live would be an awfully big adventure:" because I'm still speculating and imagining without doing it. And I'm scared to death that this is one more time that I'll give in and stay dreaming without doing.

[A Cool Moment in a Sweltering Summer]

2011-08-03T20:15:00.000-05:00

Look! Look! My coxcombs are blooming! Okay, it's on one of 20 plants, but another one's quickly gaining size enough, and most of my transplanted ones have survived and may yet bloom. I'm excited.

[Brushstrokes by Niki FAQs]

2011-08-03T19:10:00.001-05:00

Just to address some of the most common questions and concerns, I present the official F.A.Q. list!

Q. I like your style of painting, but I don't have a dog or a pet. Can I get a portrait of another sort? Can I get a pencil or graphite portrait instead of a painted portrait?
A. Yes! Though I gear my advertising primarily toward the dog-owner crowd, since I spend a lot of time taking Sassy to the local events, I'm happy to tackle projects of other sorts as well. You're also free to choose from a variety of mediums, including acrylic paints, oils, pencil, and more. I can also venture beyond the realm of stretched canvas--in fact, if you look at my portfolio, one of my earliest recent (oxymoron, I know... but I mean since graduating college) portraits is a personalized dog house! As long as I've got a flat surface to work with that isn't impervious to paint, bring it on!

Q. How long does it take from placing an order to receiving the finished product?
A. At a minimum, a painting or a drawing takes three days. However, since the business is, at the time of writing, a part-time venture until I at least build up a strong enough following to comfortably rely on it as an income (I'm single, no roommates, and I own my own home, so I definitely have a budget to keep!), I have divided attention, especially around the beginning, midterm, and end of college semesters, as I'm a part-time college instructor. However, in general, I try to complete projects within a month of a client placing an order. If there is an exception, due to medical emergency or other extenuating circumstances, I will keep you posted.

Q. How much do you charge for a custom portrait? What forms of payment do you accept?
A. I get this question a lot, but it's difficult to answer without your giving me an idea what sort of project you have in mind. However, in general, projects start around $125, depending on project size, type, and complexity. Don't automatically assume a smaller portrait costs less. In fact, up to a certain canvas size, there's little difference in my supply price, and it actually takes me longer to do a smaller portrait with its innately tiny, and as such, more difficult, details. If this price is too high for you, don't be afraid to contact me anyway. We can mostly likely be able to work something else out that will make both of us happy--so don't be shy about telling me your budget up front.

As for payment forms, I accept cash, check (there is a fee for a bounced check, so make sure you've got the money before you write the check, please!), or PayPal. And in general, I do require a deposit before beginning a project, if for no other reason than I buy your canvas upon receiving your order and planning out the dimensions. There's a reason for that "starving artists" cliché. ;) Also, I am now accepting donations via Google Checkout--just use the button in the right-hand column.

Q. Do you do seated portraits, or do you work from a photograph?
A. I definitely work from photographs. If you don't have one already, if you're local, I can meet with you to take a workable photo. If, as in the case of Fancy and Grumpy, the two Westies, the pet subject has gone to the rainbow bridge and you've only got some small photos from family activities, as long as I can identify defining features and know the breed[s] of your pet, I can usually adjust or combine some generic pictures to look like your beloved fur-kid.

Q. What factors go into how you decide on what to charge for a project?
A. At this stage, there are three major factors that go into my calculations: supplies, labor, and extraneous factors (such as shipping, delivery, project complexity, etc.). Supplies vary by size, type, and material. For example, an oil painting costs more than acrylics, due to the price of oils being higher than acrylics and the longer drying time, which affects how long I have to wait between layers. Meanwhile, pencil drawings cost less still. Canvas is basic, while wood and doghouses will very much depend on the prices of the object. I also leave a small amount of room for replenishing supplies in a certain color if it's one I use a lot.

Labor (for now) is something I calculate based on Missouri minimum wage, which is $7.25 per hour. Generally, basic paintings (16" by 20" being the most common canvas size, and my preferred minimum size (again, smaller takes longer and more tiny detail work)) using acrylic paint take approximately three to four days of working anywhere from four to eight hours. So, to calculate, let's assume I work on your project for three days for six hours per day. $7.25 times six hours times three days comes out to $130.50, so in fact, with a base price of $125, you're getting a real discount. Also consider that those are hours that, by painting, I do not get any other form of outside income, including a potential part-time job, so I'm not making a labor price just to make a profit--it's a very real concern.

Q. Why are you starting this business rather than sticking with teaching or having gotten a degree in art to begin with?
A. Believe it or not, I did start out as an art major. However, I went to a college that likes to call itself "the Harvard of the Midwest," and in so doing make everything, from physics to art to agriculture, just a bit more competitive and demanding. Because I was in school entirely due to scholarships and grants and had to maintain a 3.25 to keep those scholarships, I couldn't afford to have mostly B's and an occasional A, which ended up being the case during that first and very transitional semester in spite of putting in close to 40 hours per week per project in two different classes in addition to four other full classes. So after checking out other majors, I ended up in English, which was a subject I could care about and still do well enough to not have to drop out and work. :) I did miss it, though, and as budget cuts keep trimming my already part-time hours back in adjunct teaching, I'm coming back to my first love.

Q. I can't afford a project right now, though I hope to be able to have one made down the line. What can I do in the meantime that will help keep your business and art afloat, especially at this point of you just getting started?
A. The best way to help me out if you can't hire me right now is simply to tell people about Brushstrokes by Niki. Refer them to the home page, the Facebook fan page, or simply give them my contact information if I've given you a business card. If you're on Facebook, "like" the fan page and comment occasionally (or even just "like") on new paintings and updates--one of your contacts may see that action and want to find out more. On average, for every 100-200 people that I tell about my business, about one is in the right time, place, and has the desire to have a custom portrait made, so the more people that hear about my art and see my portfolio, the more likely it will be for me to be able to continue to pursue my passion, and as most of you know, that ability is priceless.

Q. Why don't you post Brushstrokes by Niki's contact information publicly?
A. Have you seen the news in the last ten years? :) It's a security measure, really. It's so easy for a hacker or potential burglar to use that information to steal my identity or worse. If you're already a friend or family member, just send me a message and I'll pass the info right along to you if you don't already have it. If you're a potential customer that I don't know personally, I do take a few extra steps to ensure my safety. I've already had to have my windows replaced following an attempted break-in, and I've owned my home for less than two years. I have reason to be cautious. So in the meantime, fill in the contact information on the home page, and I'll still get the information. Thank you for your understanding!

[Nostalgic Videos of the Day]

2011-08-01T21:18:00.001-05:00

Weeeeee run, we jump, we swim and plaaaaay! We grow and go on tripssss! But the things that last foreverrrrrrr are our dear friendships!

Watch "Salute Your Shorts Music: Theme Song [Season 1]" on YouTube

Watch "Salute Your Shorts Music: Theme Song [Season 2]" on YouTube

I promise to embed the real videos when I have a little more time.

[Nostalgic Video of the Day]

2011-07-31T11:36:00.001-05:00

Nickelodeon lovers of my generation and younger, if you don't remember this show (I do!), you may not be aware of the origin of the beloved green slime. If that's you, prepare to be educated.

Whatever you do, if someone asks you a question you lack the answer to, don't admit to it, as you'll see in the second clip.

I'm all for Teen Nick bringing back 90s Nickelodeon, but don't neglect the 80s (yes, I know this show started in the 70s in Canada, but it was on here in the 80s in Nickelodeon)!

[Nostalgic Video of the Day]

2011-07-30T12:59:00.001-05:00

I think it's time to add a new feature to the blog: the nostalgic video of the day! Okay, so it's probably not going to happen every day, such as when I'm out of town, but it does clear me to post more than one a week. Ha.

So, our first official video:

I've got a handful I'll post soon, so be on the lookout! And fair warning: I may not be able to resist posting several in one day. It's true.

[Latest Masterpiece]

2011-07-28T16:12:00.002-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/latest-masterpiece.html

[First Sight in the Morning]

2011-07-28T09:25:00.001-05:00

I woke up, barely on the edge of the bed, and felt a pair of doggie feet pressed into my back. When I sat up, this is the sight that greeted me, with Sassy's sleeping figure taking up 85% of the horizontal space at the head of the bed:

That might explain the crazy dreams I had last night...

[Sassy III Portrait: Painting Day Two]

2011-07-27T18:58:00.002-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/sassy-iii-portrait-painting-day-two.html

[Sassy III: Painting Day One]

2011-07-27T00:50:00.000-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/sassy-iii-painting-day-one.html

[Next Project]

2011-07-24T23:41:00.002-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/next-project.html

[Voice Your Opinion]

2011-07-21T10:43:00.002-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/voice-your-opinion.html

[Nineties Nostalgia]

2011-07-20T09:28:00.002-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/19/arts/television/teennicks-90s-nostalgia-fest.html?_r=2

Oh, get excited, folks, our 90's shows are coming back! I know Clarissa Explains It All will be one of them (*clack of the ladder on the window sill* Hi, Sam. *guitar twang*), thanks to a FB announcement. I do wish it had a better time slot though... Midnight to four a.m.?! And please, don't forget about the shows that aired those first few years of Nickelodeon that were actually filmed in the 80s but set the whole early Nickelodeon standard, such as You Can't Do That On Television! Never heard of it? Well, where do you think the green slime came from? And did anyone else get annoyed when Nick at Nite changed from true classic shows like Batman, Mr. Ed, Dobie Gillis, and others to shows that had been on the air in the past ten years (even some that were still making new episodes)? That's how I got to know some of the classic Hollywood movie stars as a kid before I got interested in the movies--by watching these shows.

For those of you who think FB groups have no effect, here's proof that occasionally, the decision-makers (on TV, anyway) do pay attention to their demographics. Now, let's see if we can convince them to dedicate a whole channel to 80's and 90's Nickelodeon. Let's do this!

And no, 27 is not too young to be nostalgic. I have friends with 10-year-old kids. If you're old enough to have a pre-teen, you're old enough to reminisce about the "good old days of television."

*Wanders off to find her She-Ra DVDs*

[You Didn't Hear That... Got It?!]

2011-07-19T18:49:00.000-05:00

Quite possibly the funniest video I've seen this month.

[Fancy and Grumpy--99% Finished!]

2011-07-19T18:29:00.002-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/fancy-and-grumpy-99-finished.html

[Off to a Splendid Start]

2011-07-19T12:05:00.001-05:00

I seem to be channeling Professor Brainard today. In the three hours since my alarm went off this morning, I've been trying to set new records for absent-mindedness. First, while making my pancakes this morning, I turned on the vent, the overhead light, walked out of the room to wait for the skillet heat up, came back in, poured the batter, and wondered what was taking my pancake so long to set. I noticed no heat. Is my stove broken? No. I'm just an idiot and never actually turned the knob.

Sigh.

Then, right at 11, I'm walking through my house, looking everywhere for my black comfortable dress flats that I wore yesterday (and every day since buying them, almost). I found one of my brown flats, but the black ones are nowhere to be found by my ditzy self today. So, in desperation, I end up wearing my skyscraper platform heels. Sexy, yes, and comfortable for sitting and standing. However, despite parking as close to my classroom as possible, I ended up having to take a long way anyway when the classroom printer ran out of paper. Now my toes are trying to squeeze out the peephole. Oof!

Not identical, but the closest I can find online; the front half's strap design is different, meeting in an oval shape. Otherwise, pretty close.

Oh, and then someone asked me about a due date for this week's in-class work, and I looked and realized I'd posted last semester's assignment information on this semester's class Blackboard, and vice versa.

So, I thought it wise not to lecture today. I'm just turning them loose to work on their papers and writing exercises in class. I wouldn't want to give some new information today and end up having to rescind half of it tomorrow.

The nice thing about painting, which is my afternoon plan, is that there's not much I have to "remember." Thaaaank goodness!

[Midnight... not a sound from the pavement... but my speakers are a different story.]

2011-07-19T00:35:00.003-05:00

So here it is, three minutes before midnight. I'm sipping on ginger-peppermint tea with local honey, getting ready to pour myself a quarter cup of aloe vera juice. I let my guard down and did not consistently drink my a.v. juice and tea, and of course, today, the ulcer pain kicked back in. Sigh. I do indeed have a bad habit of not sticking to a schedule when it's in my best interests to do so. And the ginger burns like pepper, even with the honey added, and I'm really not a pepper fan, so I do kind of dread drinking it, even though I feel it helping ease the stomachache almost as soon as I feel it hit my stomach.

Well, until my Benadryl kicks in (and seeing as how I started my day hacking, wheezing, and gagging thanks to my allergies, I'm still needing it), I'll just sit here, think, write, examine my painting for areas I'll tweak tomorrow (which I would've done today had I not been out getting my business license for five hours), and listen to my "Ethereal and Celtic Songs" playlist--LotR music, Celtic Woman, Emerald Isle Band, Josh Groban, Enya... no bagpipes, though.

I need to get an album of bagpipe music that isn't primarily military tattoos. I want an album that makes me feel like I'm on the shores of Loch Lomond listening to the pipes drift through the fog. I've been in a mood lately for the music that provokes that "queer ache" (a la Anne Shirley) or Lewis's "inconsolable longing." Have you read Surprised by Joy? Do you remember the bit where he talks about joy as that which we almost reach from time to time but cannot grasp on this side of heaven? When we get that feeling of, "Oh... that's... and it's gone!" Bittersweet. Yeah. That kind of music, where I can start to glimpse the mystic beauty of God, but I never see it all for the same reason that God wouldn't completely reveal Himself to Moses. My heart nearly bursts, and if I saw it more clearly it would, but oh! I wish I could all the same! My eyes shine, my heart swells, and then it hurts like hell because it's gone in a moment and never fully realized... Jars of Clay's Oh My God has that same effect, mixed with deep contemplation, made even moreso by the way the crescendo and climax of the song is never resolved. Yeah. It's true. I'm a music lover (of all sorts, except most country, but this type has a special place in my spiritual heart for that reason).

In an unrelated thought, the writers of Eureka and Warehouse 13 are mad geniuses. I just thought I'd throw that out there, after watching the new episodes tonight. I do love that they're on during the same evening now, and I'm finding that I'm really grateful for DVR, because I never remember when something is coming on, but my DVR catches it.

It's true. I've got entirely too many interests and passions to ever conquer one completely. It's the artistic version of ADD. This also explains the nature of this post... and why I never got around to talking about the experience of applying for my business license today and how I'm simultaneously relieved, excited, and terrified. That's also why I'm still up at 12:34, even though I meant to be in bed by midnight.

And I could end up rambling on and on; however, my Benadryl has finally started to work, so I can now breathe even as I start nodding off.

[Stage Four: Westie Shadows]

2011-07-17T16:43:00.001-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/stage-four-westie-shadows.html

[Stage Three]

2011-07-16T18:52:00.001-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/stage-three.html

[Pair of Westies: Stage Two}

2011-07-16T16:55:00.000-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/pair-of-westies-stage-two.html

[Errant Tongue?]

2011-07-15T20:32:00.001-05:00

A sure sign of being tuckered out!

[Late-Night Rambling]

2011-07-15T02:41:00.001-05:00

Oh, what an afternoon! I completely meant to finish a focused blog entry I began this morning (in thought, a few days before) and make some progress on my painting. Instead, on my way home from work and grocery shopping, I felt my migraine ramp up the intensity. Within an hour of getting home and finishing lunch, I fell sound asleep for the next four hours... and no relief came. Sigh. I decided that, if I can't write or paint effectively, I needed to find something productive to do. So, here I am, in the wee hours of the morning, trying to ignore my headache, and putting DVR recordings on disc. Some I'm doing as a favor (dog advice, which I'll copy for myself), so it does feel productive.

Yeah... That's all I can articulate for now. Good night, all!

[A Pair of Westies--Stage One]

2011-07-13T17:08:00.002-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/07/pair-of-westies-stage-one.html

[A Better Start to the Day]

2011-07-13T10:00:00.002-05:00

Okay, it's not just me: http://bloggerindraft.blogspot.com/2011/07/bloggers-updated-interface-now.html. I'll find out from my students today if theirs has changed yet.

A few thoughts, though... I have good eyes, but the font and color scheme are hard to read for an extended period of time and would be especially so if I had a migraine (I don't stop for migraines unless they're really hardcore). I think a helpful option would be to give users the option of a variety of color schemes for the dashboard page so that we can pick the one our eyes like most and that our monitors display best. It couldn't hurt, anyway, and judging by the comments in the above post, I'm not the only one blinded.

On the home front, outside of some discomfort in my neck and abdomen, and some ridiculous water retention (seriously--how else do you explain my gaining 10 pounds in two days, with no difference (at least, increase-wise) in diet), I did not wake up in pain this morning. Thank goodness. As long as my computer/internet stays online and the pain stays away, I should be able to get caught up on grading and start applying paint to my plotted-out canvas. With any luck, I'll finish this painting within the next two or three days, and then I'll be able to work on doing on of the current Sassy to add to my portfolio, assuming I don't get any orders in that time period. I'm also going to work on an art-release form for my clients to sign to give me permission to use photos of their paintings in my public portfolio (or to pay extra to keep it off... the reason being that as someone starting out, I need to build up my examples so potential clients can see what I'm capable of doing for them--right now, I mostly have older pieces from high school and my first year of college, and my abilities have expanded since then).

Alright... I have to leave soon, so I better wrap this up so I can get dressed and ready for work. Until next time, be it this afternoon or within the next couple of days!

[NSFM--(Not Safe For Men)]

2011-07-12T18:54:00.002-05:00

**Warning, Warning! Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! Menstruation post alert! Cranky moaning about cramps, migraines, and body aches on the horizon! Run for your life!**

Hopefully I've effectively managed to frighten off anyone weak-stomached about women's periods and unsympathetic about cramps, because I've got to rant, and I'm entirely too moody to cope with anyone offended with my blunt discussion about why my period is more annoying than normal.

Let's start with the weekend before last--the fourth of July holiday weekend. As many of you know/have probably assumed by now, I have undiagnosed IBS. I've had it all my life, and it's gotten worse with time--a fairly typical issue. Also fairly typical is the development or increase in food sensitivity. In my case, this time anyway, I've gradually become lactose intolerant, though up until recently, I could usually manage it with small amounts of dairy products at a time or doses of lactase to help me counter the effects. However, Friday night of the previously mentioned weekend, while visiting my parents, I had one scoop--one SMALL scoop I tell you!--of chocolate ice cream in the morning and then one more in the evening. An hour after said chocolatey delights, the stomach cramps began. I anticipated an uncomfortable and restless night of diarrhea (remember--you were warned), which had previously been the norm. Then, while showing Dad a video on my phone, I suddenly became intensely nauseated.

Let me be clear--I have a sensitive stomach, but outside of hospital situations and infections, I rarely throw up--at least since reaching my late teens. So this is no small thing for me. Now, ultimately, I never actually threw up that night, but I came close off and on (more on than off) until well into the wee morning hours when I took a second dose of Benadryl that thankfully overpowered the nausea sensation with enough drowsiness to knock me out. When I woke, the nausea was almost gone. Thank heavens. But out of all that came the realization that I could no longer consume any milk with lactose in it (Lactaid milk is fine, though), or milk products. It looks like I'll be shopping at MaMa Jean's a lot more to get my ice "cream" fix via coconut milk and soy milk ice cream (which, sadly, are far more expensive than traditional ice cream). I can vouch, by the way, for soy yogurt. It's got a good flavor that's almost identical to dairy yogurt. Still... more expensive. And I'm even more broke than normal. Sigh.

Fast forward to the end of the week. My stomach's still a little jumpy, and I notice I'm eating more than normal (and probably have been doing so for a month or two without realizing it, judging by my increasing self-criticism when I look in the mirror and see my clothes getting tighter) without realizing it. I have a sneaking suspicion, based on last spring, that there may be another ulcer making itself known. I'd noticed in the past that prior to feeling the pain, I'd been eating more often due to mistaking ulcer discomfort for hunger and its effectiveness in masking the pain by limiting stomach acid around the sores. Still, when the migraines start on Wednesday, I take Aleve, because I've got things to do and no time to hide from the light or noise. Then, Sunday and Monday (yesterday), on days four and five of migraines, despite taking Aleve on a full stomach, I end up with excruciating pain akin to the pain I feel (and can't get rid of with antacids) when I eat store-bought eggs (seriously). Yup, it's definitely another ulcer. Damn.

So, off to MaMa Jean's for aloe vera juice, ginger tea, and ginseng tea (so I can cut back on the caffeine--I'm not about to drop it altogether in the middle of the semester!) along with checking prices on lactose-free foods. The juice and tea start taking the edge off, but as they do, I notice another pain a little lower down.

Dammit... cramps! Oh, well... they're not as bad as normal this time. Good. And my migraine's still manageable. I can deal.

And now, this morning. I wake up, doubled over. I can't move my head left or right for the migraine pain and resulting stiff neck. Once again, I've got shooting pains up and down my right arm and particularly in my thumb (a new menstrual side effect from within the past two years). At least the aloe takes care of the ulcer pain. But I'm determined to tough it out. In class, however, the pain gets worse. I half-lie to my students, attributing my paleness and strained voice to a worse-than-normal migraine, which is true but not the whole story. I'm definitely going to need something for my period. So, I go over to Walgreen's after class and pick up two bottles (yay! Sale! Buy one, get one half off!) of Excedrin Menstrual Relief quick release capsules. I dread the stomach pain, but at this point, it's more manageable than being on the verge of fainting and having to make excuses. Fifteen minutes after I take the dose, five minutes after getting home, into my 'jammies and bed, the pain is gone, and no stomach pain! I happily sleep the afternoon away until it wears off around 5:00.

So, that's the kind of week I'm having--not just unusually intense PMDD symptoms, but ulcer pain and migraines. And this second dose, while working, isn't working as well as the first. Dangit. Here's hoping tomorrow brings a natural easing of symptoms to a more tolerable level.

This, also, is why I've held off lending my thoughts to the recent discussion about gender that I've been reading in my RSS Feeds. I've got plenty to add, but I want to make sure snarky hormonal sarcasm doesn't contribute any more to my natural disdain for misogyny and notions of gender standards being "right." Oh, I've got thoughts, and I will share them, but give me a few days to make sure I share them right.

Over and out!

P.S. Has anyone noticed changes to the Blogger page and dashboard, or is this because I joined Google+? It looks nice, but it's going to take awhile to adjust.

[Why Writing a Miscellaneous Blog is Being True to Me]

2011-07-06T19:17:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, as usual, I had the Travel Channel on in the background. Anthony Bourdain’s show was featuring one of his food specials; in this case, it was food obsession. Three food bloggers took up a big chunk of this episode, and me being me, and me being a blogger for the past ten-plus years, I starting looking for applicable ideas. These are folks who, passionate about one thing in particular, devote their writing lives to this particular topic. They eat (literally), breathe, think, and live fine foods. They have focus, they have a set topic, and no one has to wonder what the general topic of each post will be—it’s going to be food, period.

Now, I’ve seen and read this idea many times over as I’ve looked for ways to give my blog some life and readership beyond my closest friends and family. After all, like many other writers and bloggers out there, I want this bit of focus in my life to go somewhere and be something just a little more than a personal diary that happens to be publicly accessible. And I know, from years of reading and observing, that the blogs that garner the most attention have a primary focus; their writers may periodically stray from the main theme, but on the whole, the readers have an idea early on about what they’re going to read when they see a new post. And goodness knows I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure out which of my passions is my key passion, or my most verbose topic. I’ve temporarily tried out theme blogs elsewhere (I’m still working on my book blog, by the way, for those of you who subscribe to it… it’s just on hiatus until I get into a groove with my painting), and they’ve all eventually petered out. It’s not that I don’t care about that topic anymore, because I do. I just am not the most single-minded individual who’s ever waked the earth.

In fact, that’s my theme. It appears, despite all appearances, that there is a theme—it’s trying to take everything in and figure out the complexity that is my set of interests and passions. I love dogs and spend a lot of time thinking and writing about them (Sassy especially), but I also love classic cinema. I love faith, but I don’t want to talk about it all the time or hear about it all the time because, for me anyway, it loses its magnitude if it’s the only thing about which I think. In fact, on the dating site (yes, I know… but I thought I’d give it a try after 27 years of singleness) I use, I close out those match profiles of guys who only talk about how passionate about their faith. As I read through them, the thought goes through my mind that, I think that’s great, but I still know nothing about who you are or what you enjoy doing… and it’s a little intimidating if Jesus is all you ever think about, because I’d be afraid that my own faith wouldn’t be pious enough for your standards. It’s the same for me as a person. My faith is important to me, but it’s not all of me, and it’s not always a safe presentation—I’ll always be real rather than be “right,” and that can alienate a few people. I also teach and enjoy it (most days) and have a few things I’m always eager to discuss. But at the same time, I’m much more than a teacher—I’m also an artist. And a music-lover who once seriously wanted to become a vocalist. History fascinates me to no end. At the same time, though, I’m really into technology (to a point—and I’m not really a fan of Apple). I’m a book geek in the worst way (look out if you bring up Jane Austen, C.S. Lewis, or J.R.R. Tolkien) but I also love film and television. Food and drink fascinate me as well—I’d love to do a bit of food blogging from time to time. I’m a memoirist; I’ve led an interesting life for someone who never went through too much of rebellious period and who hasn’t been out of Missouri except for a wedding in something like five or six years, even though I’d love to see the world—especially Europe and the UK. A travel blog! Wouldn’t that be great? But, I’m broke, barely scraping by, and I have a dog with separation anxiety who is too big to ride in the cabin of an airplane, so I’m still living vicariously through Samantha Brown, Tony Bourdain, Adam Richman, and Andrew Zimmern (to name a few). Then there’s psychology, a field I nearly went into before encountering the evil class that is statistics…

So that’s the kind of blog you’re dealing with here. It’s a food-faith-travel-music-movie-television-art-education-literature-creative-writing-culture-progressive-thought-dog-humor-decorating-observation-ghosts-and-the-paranormal-and-probably-more-to-come-later blog.

Or, better yet, it’s a Niki Blog, and that means many deep passions rather than one focus. And that, essentially means that my readership is quickly narrowed down to friends and family who want to keep up with me and those few people who are simply drawn to what I say and/or how I say it. To try to shape this into something else would be a betrayal of who I am and would be forced.

So, if you fall into a category of readers who find this fun and interesting, read on and comment from time to time. If only a few of those interest you, if you hang around long enough, there’ll be a post you like. If, however, you want a genre-blog, then I wish you peace as you look for a blog that interests you more.

[Birthday Wishes]

2011-07-06T09:57:00.001-05:00

Forty-five years ago today, after having nine miscarriages and after she spent nine months in bed struggling desperately to keep this baby, a young woman gave birth to a little girl, six pounds and six ounces. Her parents' hearts nearly burst with pride as they looked into the eyes of their daughter for the first time. A short time later, the woman's uterus ruptured, prompting a necessary hysterectomy. Little Michelle would be the only child.

In time, the baby would grow into a healthy child and teenager, charming many hearts with her lovely face and genuine smile. Like her mother, however, Michelle would grow up and have only one child as well (me), though for different reasons. Before her daughter turned three, Michelle was diagnosed with cancer of the spinal cord and spent the remaining seven years of her life as a quadriplegic who still managed to smile in spite of the circumstances. When she succumbed to a lung infection at the age of twenty-six, she left behind an enormous hole the lives of her parents and daughter. They would eventually move on, but the pain never completely dissipates from that kind of a loss. That's why a day that once brought great joy is now bittersweet.

Happy birthday, Mom. I miss you with all my heart and wish I could celebrate today with you here in person. I love you.

[The Mostly Finished Project]

2011-06-27T16:42:00.000-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/06/mostly-finished-project.html

[Sassy II Painting--Remembering My First Dog Love--Day One]

2011-06-26T17:14:00.000-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/06/sassy-ii-painting-remembering-my-first.html

[Painting--Day Three]

2011-06-26T14:36:00.001-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/11/painting-day-three.html

[A Sure Sign]

2011-06-25T23:36:00.001-05:00

I must be eating.

[Painting--Day Two]

2011-06-25T18:02:00.000-05:00

Moved to: http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/06/painting-day-two.html

[Painting, Day One: The First Layers]

2011-06-23T19:04:00.001-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/06/painting-day-one-first-layers.html

[Pre-Painting Line-Up]

2011-06-22T19:07:00.000-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/06/pre-painting-line-up.html

[Happy Dance]

2011-06-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

[sing-songy voice] My phone arrives todaaa-aaay! My phone arrives todaaa-aaay! [insert a still-sleepy but ecstatic jig here]

Yup. That's all I've got for now. Perhaps this evening, once I've got everything set up, I'll have room in my head for something besides the hope of a working phone and this week's student conferencing.

[Case in Point]

2011-06-20T10:48:00.001-05:00

Buying a new phone, especially one like the Evo, seems like a bit of an indulgence when I've been worrying about my finances. However, this morning, I received some additional confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. As I lay in bed sleeping blissfully, the thought occurs to me that I've been comfortably asleep too long for having finally zonked out at 2 a.m. and having my alarm set for 9 a.m.... And sure enough, I rolled over in a slight panic and saw that my phone read 10 a.m., and the alarm clock had frozen in the midst of trying to ring... again... and just like a lot of phone calls I receive. After a curse word or two, I lept up, glad I had still woken up an hour before I needed to leave, and went into double time.

I was also further heartened when I saw the shipment notification in my email. Here's hoping it gets here fast, even though I opted for economy shipping (free). I've gotten packages in two days before with that choice... but not often.

And now, I'm off to finish getting ready for work. I wonder if my students will notice that I'm winging it today having not had my usual morning prep time...

Edit: According to the tracking info, it should be here Thursday. Sigh... Sooner than it could've been, but I wish it were here now! It's like my phone knows I'm getting rid of it, so it's acting out worse than ever to be spiteful.

[The Next Project]

2011-06-19T18:59:00.003-05:00

Moved to http://www.brushstrokesbyniki.com/2011/06/new-paintingaddition-to-office.html

[Sassy Versus The Water Hose]

2011-06-11T23:37:00.001-05:00

[Attention Springfield Area Dogsters:]

2011-06-08T10:28:00.002-05:00

This weekend is Bark in the Park at Nathanael Greene/Close Memorial/Springfield Botanical Garden. It's Saturday morning from 8 to 12, and your $10 fee gets you entrance to the event, a t-shirt, and a chance to benefit Cruse Dog Park. You'll also get a chance to meet a bunch of folks with pet-related businesses and non-profit organizations. I hope to see you there!

For more info: http://tamepetmag.com/calendar/event-details?ev_id=161 or http://www.parkboard.org/info/dog_park/pdfs/bark_in_park11.pdf

[Follow-Up]

2011-06-03T20:28:00.002-05:00

Correction to this morning's information: my AC isn't 15 years old... it's 30. According to the repairman that came out today, it's a 1981 unit.

In other words, my AC is older than me. Yikes.

By the time he came by, the unit was working fine again, so for now, there'll be no replacement (my parents and I are both getting a bit, shall I say, broke. So, we're going to hold off for a little while; we are, however, going to get some estimates from the repairman that came out today so we have a plan for when the AC finally does give up the ghost.

Sigh.

In other thoughts/news, I took some pics of the new office look a few minutes ago (hence the less-than-natural lighting). I'm still contemplating artwork for the walls and an accent color for the drapes (I'm leaning toward teal (like my front door and the border on my bulletin board) or black-and-white damask, but I'm not sure yet), and the color's warmer in person, but here's what it looks like so far:

If any images are rotated incorrectly, it's because no matter what program I use, the photo[s] want to stay they way they were before I edited and saved the changes (seriously... I tried several, and all the same, I keep seeing the wrong version on here even when it looks right on my computer in the original file. Weird.)

[Productive, Insane Break]

2011-06-03T11:03:00.001-05:00

This spring, I only have a two week break between semesters (I'm used to three), so it's been a two weeks filled with double-time get-everything-home-and-non-work-related-accomplished-while-I-can madness. Since submitting grades just under two weeks ago, I:

Emptied my home office/library
Moved one of my bookcases to my bedroom (note: except for putting up the trim that I painted around the ceiling and Dad installing my ceiling fan, this was all solo work)
Painted the light beige office walls a warm, buttery, bright yellow
Painted the beige trim white
Moved the remaining bookshelves back into the room and reorganized my entire book and movie collection
Moved my antique desk from my living room (where it's been for months) back to my office since Dad installed a grounded electrical outlet where I could actually utilize it instead of along a short wall that had no room for my desk
Reorganized my living room
Weeded my flower garden
Painted my old bulletin board in two new colors (dark teal and my kitchen's green to ease the transition with the rest of my house's colors
Painted my front door and screen door that same dark teal (Mom's not too fond, but is she ever?)
Visited my parents for five days around Memorial Day and while there,
Shot a pistol for the first time and qualified for conceal-carry (see the previous entry for my surprising success--I'm good at something that requires coordination for once!)
Mutilated my thumb when it slipped under the gun's hammer during my last few rounds; it bled furiously and still hurts like the dickens whenever I use my left hand, which I do for almost everything but eating, writing, and throwing objects, as I was born a lefty but raised to be a righty
Brushed Sassy every day of break, as she's blowing her winter coat, and managed to fill four or five plastic grocery bags with her loose fur
Nursed Sassy back to health (at the parents' and at home the next day) when Sassy overdid it at the lake and strained her tail muscle (seriously); she wouldn't wag it for anything, and it flopped straight down for three days. She's back to normal now, though, so it's all good.
Took Sassy to the lake twice and worked with her on "lay down" before throwing the ball every time--a much bigger challenge than on land, because she's very, very water-retrieval obsessed

I still have some odds and ends from the office I need to either store or organize, but I'm taking my time with them. Needless to say, I'm wiped out (hence my blog silence lately) and in no mood for what transpired last night: my air conditioner letting me know it's on its last legs. Yup, with a week of highs in the low-to-mid-90's in the forecast, I came into my dining room to see that, despite my AC being set on 70 (to accommodate the rising level of body heat due to all the physical work I'd been doing in the house that day) for four hours, it had never gotten cooler than 73. Air was coming out, but it was only cool, not cold, like normal. It's working today, after I turned it off, but it's doing weird things like turning itself off when I turn the thermostat down two degrees instead of blowing longer. It comes back on a few minutes later, but hey, the signs are there.

And I really can't afford this. But, we knew it was coming eventually--it's an older unit, at least 15 years old, so it was only a matter of time. Still, we'd hoped it would hold on one more year.

So, friends, I really would love some feedback on the Freelance Niki post two posts ago. I need to start bringing in a few extra dollars each week to keep my head above the water while my classes are cut back. Drop me a comment on that, please! Thank you!

Alright... the stomach tells me it needs food, stat, so I'm off for now. Stay cool!

[The Little Pistol]

2011-05-28T17:16:00.001-05:00

Just a warning to any potential intruders: these are the first thirty shots I ever fired with a pistol (half .38 semi-automatic and half .22 revolver). Only one outside the black and three bulls-eyes. Don't underestimate 5'0" little ol' me. ;)

[Freelance Niki]

2011-05-19T15:15:00.000-05:00

[Before focusing on entering the last batch of points for student grades, I wanted to put this out there.]

Those you who have been keeping up with me lately, either on the blog or on Facebook, know that my finances have gotten a bit tight as my teaching hours have diminished. As it stands, during a normal semester, I'm basically matching my income with my outflow, and this summer, with only one class, I'll be spending more than I'm making. I do have some money saved up, so I don't expect to go broke this year (though I could), but it won't last forever. As such, I've been wracking my brain for options, since I'm not too talented at having two official jobs at once (official meaning a schedule and do-it-or-lose-the-job deadlines). I looked at other lines of work altogether, but everything that seemed a possibility required a certain amount of direct experience in that field that I lack.

Joy.

So, after thinking a bit more and listening to a few suggestions from others (family, friends who know my talents), I thought about doing some freelance work. As many of you know, besides writing, art is a big thing for me--in fact, I started out as an art major in college. And while I may not be the best artist anywhere, I am pretty good at it. So, why not be a freelance artist and reviewer?

Of course, now this means I need to figure out what to charge (enough that I'm actually making a little money and not so much to scare people away). That's where you, my fine readers, come in. I'll soon be adding a page on this blog that offers an art portfolio and my expectations.

What do you think would be a good price to charge above the cost of materials (particularly the object to be painted)? I won't be charging for the price of the medium (oils, pastels, acryllics, etc.), but that's something to keep in mind as well, because I will have to replenish my supply at some point. There should be, I would expect, some variation depending on the intensity of the project. And if you click on the tab above that says Freelance Niki (not the title of this post, but at the top of the main website page below the title), you'll see a preview of some of my work.

I really would like some feedback on this before I make it official. I'll be sitting down to work on logistics early next week after I've submitted grades and finished painting my office over the weekend.

Thanks everyone! And now, back to the job at hand.

[Video Page Fixed]

2011-05-15T23:58:00.000-05:00

I've figured out how to embed my [and Sassy's] YouTube page instead of simply linking it. To check it out, click on the tab above on my main blog page that reads "Sassy's Videos." I posted a new one today, in fact, that gives a somewhat subdued glimpse of what I deal with every time I pull out Sassy's prong collar--butt tucks! Unfortunately, due to the chaos of my living room due to portfolio grading, the reveal happened in my library/mud room, so no real room to erupt into a full-on butt-tuck zip-around. Just wait, though. Within the next week or two I should have the ultimate video.

And now... bed. I have to give a final tomorrow morning at 9:15, and I still have one more class of portfolios left to grade in the afternoon.

[Likely Hiatus]

2011-05-10T15:33:00.000-05:00

A few moments ago, the migraine pain kicked it. I'd suspected one was on its way, so when it hit, I knew why I hadn't felt "right" since I woke up, despite getting enough sleep. I think I'll be stopping by the pharmacy on the way home from work to refill my pain prescription. This one's promising to be a doozy.

Although I may write something on a whim, I'm giving myself permission to take a break from blogging until after I submit final grades next Friday or Saturday. I get my first batch of portfolios on Thursday, which begins the mass-chaos onslaught of the end of the semester. But, as always, if I need to rant or have something interesting to say, I may post... I just don't feel obligated to write something to maintain the habit. However, after next weekend, I'll be officially back in action, so stay tuned.

[Anthem Blue Cross Has Balls of Steel]

2011-05-06T15:00:00.001-05:00

Get this. After turning down my application for health insurance last year due to pre-existing conditions, today they sent me a letter that reads, and I quote:

"Dear Nicole Cox,
Thank you for contacting Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield about individual health coverage options. We haven't heard back from you, and I'm concerned. With the rising cost of medical care today, it's important that you have the right health care plan."

Seriously?! Of all the nerve! Insert humorless, hysterical laughter here. Oh, the things I could say. I'm thinking of calling and giving them a piece of my mind. I will say, though, that this is why I'm in support of universal health care and/or health care reform. At it currently stands, the reforms that would allow me to get insurance don't even come into effect until 2014.

Grrrrrr...

[Why Did I Feel So Rested This Morning?]

2011-05-06T09:49:00.000-05:00

As I stretched my arms under my pillow and lifted my face off the cool downy surface to arch my back, I wondered why I felt so rested. I rarely feel like I've slept well in the mornings, but this morning did not feel like I'd been awake until 12:30 a.m. Not only that--I seemed to be waking up before my five a.m. alarm on my cell phone. I looked around the room at all the nooks and crannies the small slivers of sunlight were lighting up between the curtains.

Wait a second. Sunlight? Before 5 a.m.?

My eyelids flew open in panic, and I fumbled for my cell phone. I tapped it. "Clock feature is not responding. Force Close or Wait?" I glanced at the tiny clock in the corner.

6:58 a.m. I usually leave the house at 7:15.

A shriek, a string of four-letter words, a quick breakfast (thank goodness my pancake batter was ready to go!), a retrieval of the first full outfit within reach, a quick slather of make-up, and 30 minutes later, I was out the door, thankfully, still on time.

A word of advice for anyone considering a smartphone: don't go the cheap route and get a Samsung Intercept. I'm on my second in a year, and this one's not proving to be much better than the first. I should've gone on the waiting list for the Evo.

What a way to start the morning!

[Practical Unity in a Wonderfully Diversified Faith]

2011-05-05T13:13:00.005-05:00

If you didn't know it already, Christianity is kind of weird. No, wait! Don't get all up in arms yet. Remember, I'm a Christian, too, and it's not as mean if you're making fun of yourself, right?

No, don't answer that. Anyway...

Here we are, though, a massive religion chock full of denominations, nationalities, personalities, and philosophies. We're a pretty diverse group. Yet many of us have this crazy habit of thinking that we've got the monopoly on Christianity, and that anyone else who interprets the Bible differently isn't really a Christian but someone "posing" under the name. Forget the fact that Paul more or less says that it's not about the doctrine but rather Christ on the cross and rising from the grave, and the rest is merely semantics. Somehow, many of us nod at that part one moment, then hop into an online theological discussion that turns into a great deal of finger-pointing and heretic-calling.

And what is it that Jesus prayed the night he was arrested, according to John? John 17:20-23: "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me,that they may be one as we are one. I in them and you in me--so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

Hmm.. interesting... the one thing He's recorded as praying for on behalf of all future believers is the one thing at which we fail most spectacularly. Yikes. And yes, I fully include myself in this accusation.

This is something we need to work on urgently. As with anything, of course, change starts with ourselves first, not with changing those around us. So, I present a list of online and in-person discussion "tips" (many of which have probably been said by many other people) that I'm keeping in mind for myself and would encourage my fellow believers who are also taking part in the Rally for Unity (officially or not):

1. Turn the emotional fire down a few notches when engaging in an online debate or discussion. Most of the time, we're debating with one another--in other words, people who already profess Christ on the cross. The future of the world and its souls therein probably does not hinge on the outcome of that conversation, except perhaps when those on the outside see us squabbling amongst ourselves and decide they want no part of a belief that pits its followers against one another.

2. Eschew the labels altogether. People are not the philosophies or lifestyles they follow--they are individuals who probably have just as much cause to believe they're right as you do. So whether you or those you speak to/about are liberal, progressive, conservative, hipster, gays, lesbian, transsexual, blond, obese, anorexic, bulimic, overweight, athletic, lazy, antsy, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Irish, Jewish, emo, skater-punk, teenage, men, women, Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Arminian OR Armenian, pro-life, pro-choice, atheist, wiccan, pro-Rob Bell, pro-Mark Driscoll, feminist, short, tall, quiet, outspoken, even-tempered, calm, nerds, innately cool, artistic, analytic, and on into eternity, they are not "them." Do not use labels as four-letter words, or applying what Jesus spoke in terms of judging others, you'll find yourself labeled in the same measure, and you'll find being on the receiving end that doing so has robbed you of your humanity. After all, when we consider someone by their label, we take away his or her person and replace it with a stereotype.

3. Dialog with humility. So we're human. We're going to debate/discuss some potentially heated topics, and chances are, we'll be going in believing that we're right, and the other party is wrong. However, keep in mind that the Pharisees believed the same about themselves and found out (eventually) that they were wrong. They'd kept the letter of the law but lost the spirit. As such, always have the grace to realize, not just verbally, but consciously in your mind and heart that, no matter how much scripture you may have to back your claim, you may very well be wrong. I think you'll find it a lot harder to take on an "us versus them" mindset as a result, and that's a very good thing.

4. Wait. Before you speak, before you write, before you react publicly in any way, wait. If you must vent, if you must get it off your chest, invest in a private journal. Have it out on paper, sleep on it, and wait a little longer (if it's of good quality, it will keep; don't worry). Then, if you believe it still must be said, say it using the philosophy of number three. Unfettered sarcasm and snark, while eliciting a few laughs from those with whom you agree, has a tendency to hurt and wound others without necessity. Hey, I'm all about a good punchline, don't get me wrong; but keep in mind that you can take it way too far.

5. Respect diversity. America and/or the western world do not have a monopoly on Jesus. Take the time to recognize your personal and cultural context, and remember that it is unique to you. No one approaches the Bible from the same context, and therefore everyone is going to read it a little differently. Jewish faith (remember, the root of Christianity? It helps to read through that lens.) has a tradition of rabbinical exposition over a great number of years, called the Midrash, where writers and thinkers have worked to fill in scriptural gaps and explain features of the Torah that may not make sense. It's, effectively, an ongoing discussion, with many diverse voices coming together to add to the narrative (not necessarily to decide which interpretation is number one). In other words, our faith was born out of a culture of discussion and speculation and therefore diversity.

6. Read it before you judge it, and even then consider the possibility that it may be the truth. If we learned anything from the Love Wins spectacle, it's that culturally we have a habit of judging a work that says something untraditional before having even read the work. Oftentimes, a close reading reveals that the author is simply putting what many others before have said into his or her own words and experience. They've thought, they've studied, they've questioned, and their perspective is there for a reason. We don't have to agree with what each other says, but we really should consider its possibility. I have a feeling many of us will be surprised someday upon discovering what we believed that was true and that was actually quite contrary to what Christ really intended.

And finally:

7. Think for yourself, then act in love. Whatever you hear or read, make your own decision and respect the right of others to do the same. It is, after all, the Holy Spirit's role to convict individual hearts; it's not our job. Ours is simply to follow what Christ said are the two most important commandments: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Focus on love and let the Lord take care of the details.

*Written in response to the Rally to Restore Unity... go check it out!

[Intellectual Discrimination]

2011-05-04T10:59:00.002-05:00

It's one of those things that I thought would (and, at the university I went to, did) fade after high school. I never did understand it anyway, as both my parents raised me to value education and putting forth my best work and effort in any situation. It's not so much perfectionism as it is wanting to use my full potential. Yet I keep seeing examples of distaste for intellect. Now I understand finding pretension annoying. I've read scholarly articles that have reeked of snobbery and pretension. But it seems that our culture takes it a step (or ten) further and accuses people who make the effort to, for example, use correct grammar and spelling (even the basics) of being intellectual snobs or of being judgmental, especially if we point out this pattern. Look, I know I'm an English teacher and probably give such topics more thought than most, but I'm not unreasonable about it. I don't think twice when I see split infinitives, dangling participles and modifiers, typing all in lower case in social media, or misspelled longer words. I get that some people struggle with those concepts, and even I have issues with them from time to time. What does throw me is when I see people completely forego any form of correct spellings (seriously... how hard is it to type "be" rather than "b," especially when you're using a computer and not a cell phone? And didn't we learn how to spell words like "becoming" in, oh, second or third grade?) that we learned in first grade. You're welcome to think I'm being picky, but I see it as a sign of, and I hate to say it having heard it misused in some churches over the years, a slippery slope. It's like people are afraid of learning how to use critical thought or identify rhetorical fallacies.

I went to a church, at one time, that spouted misused verses along the lines of "The wisdom of God is foolishness to sinners" [paraphrased] as a way to make people fear education. "If you get educated, you're more likely to lose your faith!" It's that very mindset that led to Galileo's persecution for reporting that our solar system is heliocentric rather than geocentric, as the Bible (which, notably was mostly written during a time when people had no concept of science as we know it today) states. Nowadays, with a few fringe exceptions, even most fundamentalists (i.e. literal translation readers) acknowledge that that bit of information is likely due to human ignorance and therefore does not negate the Gospel. But suggest that similar logic and research may apply to the creation story, and suddenly there's talk of not being able to trust the Gospel if we don't accept the literal version of the six-day creation. So if you believe in evolution, even if you think that God's hand directed it and used nature to complete His will, you can't call yourself a Christian.

Seriously? With that logic, no wonder people think we're crazy and can't take us seriously. And the worst part, for me, is that for a long time I bought into at least some of that fallacious logic. That rigid mindset and antipathy toward education and logic came close to driving me away from my faith when faced with facts.

That frustrates the heck out of me.

So now there's this notion of admiring the maverick... the one who intentionally shrugs off reason for independence and autonomy (as if they have to be mutually exclusive); and then there's this distrust of someone well-spoken, calm, and diplomatic ("He's got to be up to something... he's too smart for me."). Look, I admire people who are great with their hands and are hard workers--I wish I had more of that in me, to be honest (the former, I mean). But does one have to come at the cost of the other? Why can't we all be striving for both? Look at the Khmer Rouge genocide of Cambodia in the 1970s. Other than the aristocracy, who did they target? The scholars and educated leaders (i.e. teachers, doctors, etc.). Why? Because knowledge was a threat to their regime. Someone who could see that their methods were fallacious could persuade others to see the truth.

It's dangerous to demonize education and logic. That's how people become brainwashed. That's how charismatic leaders gain support for their atrocities. Ignorance leads people to support ideas that lead to oppression.

So, yeah, I've got a problem with that mindset. I have a problem with leaders who use ad hominem fallacies to rouse people into a frenzy to support their methods. I have a problem with a culture that likes to take the lazy way out and not do the work required to find the truth (and I don't mean digging up rumors). I have a problem with people who scream "heretic" when someone suggests that the evidence suggests something other than tradition or orthodoxy. And yes, I have concerns with growing calls to cut back on general education (i.e. English (writing where one learns to use critical thought and research), history, science) in favor of only focusing on one's vocation (What if that position becomes obsolete? Where's the foundation to go in a new direction?), and yes, I do believe that the way we approach even minor details like basic grammar and spelling (key word: basic; not the complex rules so much) can, by way of habit, start a domino effect. I'm not saying that I think individuals who do flout those standards or don't understand them are stupid or bad people; what I am saying is that I'm concerned about the mindset that discourages making an effort to not take the easy way out in favor of efficiency or avoiding looking smart or nerdy.

[Disclaimer: I'm on Benadryl and Claritin D, and I didn't sleep enough last night to completely metabolize the loopy effects, so some of the words I chose here I might have chosen differently were my head completely clear]

[What You're Getting Into With Me]

2011-05-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm off to a swell start already. Within a half hour of getting online, I caught myself starting to type "facebook.com" into the address bar of my browser. I'm starting to think this will be a harder habit to break than caffeine ever was (and for the record, I've never been able to permanently ban caffeine from my body--I always end up back in its arms within a few months).

I will say, however, I'm already feeling less stressed having not come across some of the nasty barbs or annoying "repost this if you agree" statuses this morning. I'm not going to miss that one bit, and the funny thing is that I don't even remember the latter existing (outside of email forwards) until a year or two ago. In that amount of time they've managed to drive me away.

But how else will all my friends know where I stand on issues? Well, I'm a fan of putting it into one's own words. So, here goes my own:

I'm a Christian, though what type, I'm not sure anymore other than knowing I believe in and try to follow Christ... if anything, I'm a recovering fundamentalist who leans toward being Emergent, which may be quite different than you think it is, so before you judge, take the time to read Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christianity
I'm a Democrat, so no, I'm not interested in "liking" candidates who are Tea Party candidates, so don't bother, and I don't think it unreasonable to be taxed to help maintain infrastructure and make sure those who fall into the cracks of joblessness and poverty can maintain life and health until they can get back on their own feet
Just like you, I think I'm right. However, I'm not interested in arguing with you until you agree with me. I'll share my perspective and leave you to follow your own path. Debate and shouting rarely change minds anyway and generally just lead to dissension and more "us vs. them" groups. I happen think that's a sick mindset, especially having once been there.
I'm a teacher. I like it, but I didn't choose it intentionally. A lot of blocked opportunities and closed doors directed me down this path. So yes, there are days I don't love my job, especially knowing that it's not full-time. And yes, sometimes I vent. But it really means nothing more than that.
I love my dog and all her kind. Could I afford it, I'd rescue more dogs than Sassy; in fact, I'd work with dogs full-time were the opportunity to arise in such a way that I'd still be able to make ends meet. My hero in dog advocation is Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. I know he's got a few detractors, usually those who like to think of dogs as furry people who should never be told "no," but his methods make the most sense in terms of how dogs view the world. Sassy wouldn't be so well-behaved without Cesar's influence on me.
I'm obsessed with Scotland and the U.K. in general. I'd move there in a heartbeat if I could.
I'm emotional. It's who I am. If you want to be around someone who handles everything with perfect calmness, move along. I'm working on being more balanced, but I'll always be that person to some extent.
I'm a true believer in equality, whether it's sexual, gender, racial, economic, or educational opportunity. I'm not now, nor will I ever be someone's demure, submissive-in-the-hierarchical-sense little woman. Those verses of Paul's I believe to be purely cultural and, had Paul known his letters to churches would be included in Scripture, I'm fairly sure he would have said things very differently.
I get a lot of headaches. I get a lot of stomachaches, especially since my last surgery. Most days I physically feel "meh." It's not that I'm wanting to complain or make you feel sorry for me; I'm just a less-than perfect physical specimen. And if you ask me how I feel that day, I'm going to tell you. If you don't want to know, don't ask.
I try to be optimistic, but I have a strong tendency toward cynicism and melancholy. It's something I'm working on, but it's an ongoing process. So, if you find someone who's very real about her emotions and struggles annoying and overwhelming, move along. I'm not about to put on the happy mask for anyone anymore. I used to, and it hurt me deeply.
Finally, I'm a terrible procrastinator. I just looked at the clock and realized that I've got an hour to get ready for work and update my gradebook before class. Crap. I had other things I wanted to say...

I'm out! Until next time, friends!

[Stepping Away From Facebook For Now: An Explanation and a Plea to Stay in Touch]

2011-05-03T00:41:00.000-05:00

As I sit here in my cluttered living room, carefully pondering my words, my head is throbbing and my stomach is churning. The events that have transpired over the past 27 hours and my friends' varied reactions to the news have sent my emotions on the longest, fastest, and most unpredictable roller coaster ride ever. The worst for me, admittedly, have been seeing friends slamming President Obama for having explained his part in completing the mission (and, semantics though it may be, he did have a significant role, in that he worked with diplomacy to get the information, worked with special forces to decide on a plan that would hopefully result in the fewest deaths possible, and signed off on the operations that succeeded; yes, Bush started it, but let's face it, he got a bit sidetracked by the Iraq war as the war with Al Qaeda got shunted to the side... but that's not my point, and this is why I don't often discuss politics on my blog even though I have very definite stances that make perfect sense to me). It just seems that so many people are determined to label him as a menace to society that even when he helps to accomplish what they'd been hoping and praying for to happen for the better part of a decade that they still have to find something to scream at him about.

I'm not going to ask them to stop [ahem... again]. It'd be a waste of breath, for one thing, and for another, I hate arguments. I appreciate diverse and friendly discourse that avoids the "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality, but what I'm talking about is not dialog--it's vitriol, and it's disgusting. And because I'm the personality type that I am (Myers-Brigg INFP/J, with a very strong Feeling classification (80%, consistently)), I take it all to heart and end up sick over it. This is not healthy or beneficial to anyone.

So, effective come tomorrow morning, with the exception of blog notifications and sharing links (neither of which requires actively logging on and seeing the NewsFeed), I'm at least temporarily off of Facebook. It may be permanent, but I'm not making a decision yet. I do know that while the insta-response environment is positive in many ways (such as spreading news and gaining support for good causes), it's also extremely detrimental in its absence of taking time to digest the information before reacting. Some reactions have already caused me to lose a lot of respect for people of whom I think highly. This may come across as judgmental on my part, but those words have enormous power, and when you say something, people are going to read and form opinions based on your word choice, and I'm only human in how well I can see your true person.

This is not an easy choice for me. I've been FBing since Facebook was a year old--back when it was for college students only, before "likes," before fan pages, before newsfeed, before status updates, before apps... heck, before albums! It's the one time I got on the bandwagon before it was one. And while those additions have had their good points, in recent months, it's seemed to spiral out of control. Some courteous dialog has come out of it, but more prevalently I've watched division increase, particularly among those with whom I share a faith (whether or not we agree on politics or even every point of doctrine). I'm in serious danger of becoming an angry cynic and sinking into depression (I have a bit of a tendency toward it to begin with, so it's a conscious effort to maintain my sense of wonder and joy in life).

I'm not deleting my account. I'll still read and respond to private messages, and as before, my posts will automatically appear on my wall, along with links I found interesting. I'm not logging in, though. So, my friends, please keep in contact with me. Keep reading this blog (you can subscribe to the RSS feed, for example) for news and thoughts, email me occasionally when something happens in your life (if you're on my list, you should be able to see my email address), and feel free to text me (email me if you don't have my number; I do have unlimited data and messaging with my plan). Doing this is hard, because I've "refound" a lot of old friends and long-separated family members, and I dread losing contact with you. Please comment on the blog (not on FB, please... use the comments on the actual blog; I'd really appreciate it) when you have a response, even if it's just to say, "Hi, I'm still here reading and keeping in touch!"

For me, this is my effort to "restore unity" (a movement started this week by Rachel Held Evans, and about which I'll blog at least once in more depth). I'm stepping away from a source of frustration and snap judgments so that I can keep from dwelling on differences that divide (think partisanship and rigid theology with no room to simply share).

Good night, darling readers. I hope to hear from you soon.

[Writing in Haste and Repenting at Leisure]

2011-05-02T06:52:00.000-05:00

What.

A.

Weekend.

Wow.

By the time you read this, you'll undoubtedly have heard the news--if not, you're doing an amazing job of tuning out media in all forms (or you read my blog first thing in the morning, which may be a dangerous practice on days like this). If, in the off chance you don't know what happened yesterday, just log on to any news site anywhere, then come back here.

Like everyone else I've encountered, I've got a gamut a thoughts and reactions that make sense in the moment but at times contradict each other. For that reason, beyond the couple of reactionary Facebook posts I wrote in the moments after learning the news, I'm going to wait to write in-depth (if I write on this topic at all after today) until I've digested this information more and observed how others are reacting (as well as those outside the U.S. reacting to our collective reactions). In other words, I don't want to write "in haste and repent at leisure." One thing I do know now, though, is what a fine line there is that exists between a desire for justice (a virtuous desire, especially in light of the thousands who've died at the hands--directly and indirectly--of Bin Laden) and the removal of his influence, and delight in seeing the death of a man--a man ruled by evil, yes, but still a man who was once an innocent child before extremism warped his mind and heart. And I'll admit, as much as I don't like the death penalty, I reacted initially more in the latter category--gleefully, even, but that's a part of me I'm working on by God's grace. There are limits to my mercy, but thank heavens there are no limits to God's mercy. As such, I've since had a little time to think about my emotions and conclude that this is probably an internal contradiction that will not be easily solved.

That being said, I would encourage you all to be in prayer (or positive thought, if you're not the praying sort) that Bin Laden does not become an extremist martyr and that his death does not plant the seeds of more extremism--either Muslim or Christian (because history shows, no faith is immune).

So, take a deep breath, rejoice in the relief of knowing he can no longer directly do further harm, and then digest your emotions and the news a little before speaking. Don't forget, the world is watching our reactions, and that may have a big influence on how the rest of the world reacts to us in the months and years to come.

Over and out.

[Leaky Water Heaters]

2011-04-27T05:34:00.001-05:00

I don't have occasion to go to the basement every day. It's mostly tools, some boxes, my washer and dryer, my furnace, and my water heater. Sometimes, if Sassy isn't eating as much (her food is down there too in a clean garbage can), it may be a week before I head downstairs. So you can understand why I hadn't been down in the basement since coming home Sunday afternoon.

I'm sure you can also understand my bewilderment upon coming downstairs last night and seeing the wastebaskets and the other garbage can on their sides (along with a few other items that had moved). I gradually realized that the floor was wet. This last observation, of course, didn't surprise me as much; we spent nearly eight or nine months last year sealing up basement leaks, and I knew there was still a small one beneath the cellar door but that leads straight to the drain. With the deluge we've had here in the past week, the notion that another leak had been sprung didn't astonish me--disappoint me yes, astonish me no. But the more I thought about it and looked around, thinking about the moved and fallen items around the basement and signs that the water had been a couple inches deep around the entire floor, I realized there had to be something else--something like a sudden flood, not a gradual drip that happens beneath the door frame. Not to mention the fact that it had to be sudden to not drain before a couple inches of water had managed to pool. So I thought some more.

I remembered this morning--a lukewarm shower, even with no cold water running. This I attributed to having not run the water much in the last day or so, which sometimes means the water in the water heater has some time to cool down somewhat. Then I remembered the reason I'd come down--I'd been trying to run a bath but couldn't get any hot water at all, and I'd wondered if the circuit switch had been moved somehow. Eventually, a horrible thought occurred to me: I bet the water heater has sprung a massive leak. I walked over, felt the container, and it was ice cold. I figured I'd know for sure by morning if I still had no hot water.

So, this morning, I ran some water in the bathtub. Ice cold. I let it run for awhile. Still ice cold.

Great. It looks like I need a new water heater. Just what I need with my finances. It could be worse (I looked at prices last night, and while they're uncomfortable, they aren't as bad as I'd anticipated, but then again... we're going to almost certainly have to hire someone to install the new one, and that tends to run the bill up a bit).

Well, that's the kind of week I seem to be having. How's your week going?