Tuesday, January 22, 2013

[What a Couple of Boobs!]

I know... I'm writing again, already! But... I've been provoked. Someone has pushed the feminist button. Actually, two someones. And big-time. And personally. And I'm pissed.

See these?


They're boobs. Breasts. Ta-tas. The girls. Bazookas. And a bunch of other positive and negatively connotated names. And yes, they're mine, and yes, they're rather large. 34F, to be exact, and my small frame does not particularly appreciate it, either.

Here are some more facts:

I did not choose to have them. They are there because large breasts run in my family and because I developed at an early age. Whether I wear "modest" clothing or not, they are noticeable. Unless I wear a turtleneck or a t-shirt, I will show cleavage. It's unavoidable.

I have large breasts. I did not choose to have them. I can, however, take pride in my appearance. I'm allowed to be comfortable in my own skin, just as a woman who is tall, slender, and who wears a more average-sized cup bra is encouraged to feel. This self-confidence in my sexuality does not make me a sex object. It does not remove my humanness.

The fact that I have F-cup breasts does not make me a sex object. Do I make myself clear? I am not now, nor will I ever be, someone in whom anyone may only be interested in "only for sex."

Twice now, in the past month, have I experienced men assuming this about me. Men, whom, I might add, claimed to be Christians. One of whom, I disgustedly add, plans to be a pastor. (And believe me, if I hear he becomes a candidate in my town and is still not grown up beyond where he is now, I will not remain silent, though I'm normally not the sort to interfere, because no man who desires to be in the role of a pastor should be a man who sees sex as "only sex".)

Fact: I have a libido. I am a virgin, and I have yet to kiss or be kissed, but I do know that I have a libido. But the presence of a libido, large breasts, a vagina, a uterus, ovaries, estrogen, etc., etc., etc., does not now nor will never make me nothing more than a sex object. 

Under no circumstances should you ever look at another human being as "just" a source of anything--sex, love, education, food, etc. To do so is to remove their humanity. To ignore their trials, their griefs, their triumphs, their laughter, etc., is to reduce them to mere objects, and that, my friends, is a grave sin. That's the danger of misogyny, misandry, racism, casual sex, human trafficking, homophobism, etc.,: we are each human. We are none of us summed up by parts of our bodies or physical desires. So to treat each other or even ourselves like we are is WRONG.

Period.

And my boobs will tell you the same thing. Right, Girls?

Saturday, January 19, 2013

[Knowing Me Better Than Before]

Somehow, I get the feeling that 2013 is going to be a red-letter year. In what way, good, neutral, or bad, and in what category or categories, I have no idea. But I get that vibe. Something just feels... different.

The gamblers and betters among my audience are welcome to make your wagers in the comments section. We'll declare winners come December 31st. ;) I've got a few theories, but I've been badly wrong before, so... no wagers from my corner. 

I do have much I could write about. I'm not hypocritical about what I tell my students ("There's never nothing to write about--use your tools!")--I promise. The main reason I haven't been writing lately is because a lot of what I have to say or report on personally news-wise isn't really suited for a completely public audience. If I had a limited audience, like my students do with their class blog, I might be a little more open, but despite what my friends and family seem to think based on what I share on Facebook, I don't actually share all that much of what's actually, truly personal. There's a lot more going on than what I share with, well, almost anyone. 

Part of this is due to the fact that it seems as though as soon as I open my mouth about something, something will immediately happen to either make me look like a liar or to completely dash my hopes, so I prefer not to jinx myself anymore until my hopes of any sort are fully realized. Another part is just because I don't have as much of a handle on words as I did before my wreck. Yes, still. And since I'm now on an antidepressant to control my migraines (it kind of helps, though not totally), by the time I find the words to express why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, the Zoloft's pretty much gotten my emotions back under control. Heh. No, really. 

And, really, a lot of what I have to say is potentially controversial (politically, etc.), and I'm just tired of all the debates and snarling back and forth that seems to keep getting nastier and nastier all the time. I prefer to pick my battles. I don't have the energy to fight all the fights that I care about. 

What can I say? I'm truly an INFP. If I don't get a chance to shut down and recharge, I suffer, and because I spend so much time doing extroverted work (school, work, communication, artwork), by the time it comes to the internet these days, especially blogging, I'm in need of satisfying my introverted core.

Anyway, that's why I've kind of disappeared off the radar. It's not permanent, I'm sure, so hang tight. I'll be back. I don't know when, but when it happens, look out. I'll be unstoppable. :)

Sunday, January 06, 2013

[The End of an Era?]

I'd like to say I waited this long to write about the new year so my post wouldn't get lost in the crowd, but that wouldn't be honest--I'm just a hopeless procrastinator. But hey--at least I'm honest about it. ;)

2013 does promise to be an interesting year, though, to be sure. For one thing, it's the year I turn 30.

30.

Whaaaaa--?!?!?! That used to sound old, and not that long ago!!!

It's also the year I intend to take hold of and continue what I began in 2012--taking control of my own life. Or at least, taking more proactive steps in achieving the things I want in life. I guess when you get close to 30 and realize that life isn't just going to fall in your lap (y'know... you don't look like a model and you're an introvert, so you don't encounter many people in day-to-day life in order to make connections...), you realize it's time to ignore the little embarrassment personality and start taking some chances. So, I've got some goals (not resolutions--resolutions are vows or promises... whereas goals are things I'm moving toward doing, but won't beat myself up if they don't come to fruition when I want them to) this year. Some social, some professional, some personal.

I'm not writing them down here, though. If I put them down in words, they sound too much like the resolutions I've made pretty much every year of my life so far (at least since adolescence). But I'm not the same person. I've changed, my motivations have changed, my sense of introspection has changed, my resolve has solidified.... so I don't want to create an echo of something that's truly something new.

This time next year, it's my hope and goal that certain things will be different. What those things are, though, are between me and God (and Sassy, who hears everything). Some, you may guess. Others, you may not. And no, I won't tell you if you're right. ;)

Happy new year, kids. Let it be filled with creativity, growth, and a greater understanding of ourselves.