Saturday, April 07, 2012

[Easter and She Who I Miss Most]

I meant to go to Good Friday service this evening, but a much-needed nap won over when I slept for three hours straight. Easter is obviously an important holiday to me in my faith, but for me, a dark shadow looms on the whole season. In a week, it will have been nineteen years since I lost my mom.

I doesn't seem that long ago that I woke up one Easter morning to the phone ringing as the hospital called to tell us that she'd been moved to the ICU as she'd taken a sudden turn for the worse. That Wednesday, the 14th, she lost her battle with the infection. She was 26. I was nine.

In a way, it may be because I lost her before I had a chance to know her as a person, not just mom, that I haven't lost my faith amid my doubts, even as my faith has evolved. I can't deal with a reality in which I'd never see her again. It's why songs like these still move me to both grief and hope.

I miss you, Mom. I miss you so much.

I had more to say, but it's hard to translate the emotions into words.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've always thought your mom looked like such a lovely person. There's nothing else I can say that you haven't been told over and over, but know that she is with you always. Mommies are like that. (((hugs)))