Thursday, October 23, 2008

[My Brain Hurts] do my fingers, come to think of it, but the brain takes clear precedence over stinging guitar fingers.  I'm supposed to take a midterm and turn a paper in for Old English, but only one is going to happen at this point.  I ran into a seemingly insurmountable wall in my research until very recently, and I'm just now getting to read through my materials.  I've sent in a "please have mercy on me!" email for the paper, and I'm going to try to send it in by email by Saturday.  I don't know what else to do, as I need sleep in addition to studying for the midterm.  Why am I writing here/wasting valuable study/sleep time?  Well, I need to vent or I may blow a gasket. 

Why do I want to get a PhD, again?  It wouldn't kill me to teach basic composition at community college... Sigh.  Que sera, sera.  Basically, my decision will come in January when I hear back from Mizzou and OSU.  If both reject my applications, then I take it as a sign that I'm to go ahead and jump into a community college teaching position, for a few years anyway.  If one or both accept me, then I'll tighten my belt and journey on, erstwhile hoping I don't turn gray before graduating.  Ha.  I am tired, though. 

So wherever God wants me, I'm wide open.  You may remember how hard I fought to go back to Truman for my master's degree, but that door slammed in my face (thank you crappy economy), and amidst all my resistance and nervous twitching, I eventually saw that Springfield really was where I was supposed to be.  Yes, that's right, I actually got something to get through my thick, stubborn skull.  So I'm open to what the future holds.  All the same, I dread starting over again.  I found my niche (faster than I did during my bachelor's degree and something I never did in high school), and I'm getting ready to leave it already.  Hey, I love the notion of traveling, but I want a home.  I want to be settled somewhere. 

Oh, and I want a puppy.  I miss Sassy like mad, and nothing suits that part of me like puppy love.  Darned apartment dwelling.

Now: nap first, study second... or study first, nap second?  I'm going to try the latter, but we'll see if that works out at all.  Good night, kids. 

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