Saturday, July 05, 2008

[Can You Hear Me Now?]

I'm really struggling with my self-esteem right now. I heard my speaking voice recorded on video (asking questions pertaining to stories that may be used in my thesis), and... my speech. I've struggled with overcoming this speech impediment all my life, and I honestly thought I had by and large overcome the majority of the issue. Now, unless the fact that I was holding the camera merely caused my voice to be muffled (which I doubt, since my dad's sounded perfectly clear when he had the camera in hand), I can't see that I've come far at all.

That's always been my biggest insecurity... even more so than my appearance. Kids in elementary school teased me for a number of issues, but my speech was the biggest one.

Of course, when I was focusing on pronunciation, my voice came through fine, but let's face it, it's impractical to go through my entire life focusing on keeping my palate closed with every syllable I speak. I would've thought that by now some of it would become ingrained. Apparently not.

I hate feeling like this. It feels ridiculously vain, and I'm sure it is... but my speech is something that figures into every corner of my life... the other insecurities I have only affect me at certain times or in certain environments. I can't get away from the issues that come up with my speech.

Bleh.

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