Why do I set myself up this way?
I know it'll never get anywhere.
I know he'll never look at me
Through the eyes I gaze at him.
Yet here I go again, on the same
Old beaten, worn-out path of mine;
Accidentally-on-purpose trying to
Run into him, to sneak a taste of his smile--
Maybe even steal a friendly hug.
I fought hard not to do this again--I did!
"You fool!" I snarl to myself, nursing
The wounds of another disappointing near-miss.
I just keep repeating history, I know.
He'll meet the perfect girl--not me!
I'll spot the two, hands entwined...
She and he, happy. Ignorant of the world around.
Me, left to dig my heart from the pit of my gut.
Yet here I am, building my hopes again.
Lord, why do I do this to myself?
Why can't that girl ever be me?
Lord, that time has come once again;
Please pick up Your broken-heart dustpan
Because You'll need it soon, I'm sure.
I've set myself up again, and there
Is just no turning back now.
I rediscovered some of my poetry a couple nights ago while I was cleaning out old papers that mean nothing. I'll probably post a few here and there, when the mood strikes, always tweaking something between the reading and the writing. I did just now... I think I changed about 15 or 20 words.
I finished grading papers tonight (or this morning?)! I barely made it through the last three, and yet here I am, wide awake. I guess reaching that point wound me up. I still have to check over the final exams on Monday and Wednesday, and I'll have a few scraggler papers, but by all comparisons, I'm finished grading. Now, once I finish my term paper for Jane Austen and my term paper and test for Shakespeare, I'll be completely finished with this semester. Hallelujah! Oh, I'll miss my first two classes dearly, but oy. I need a break like a fish needs the water.
I mean, look! It's after 3:30 in the morning, and my sleep rhythm is so screwed up I can't sleep! I wasn't planning to go to church tomorrow though, thankfully, because of the weather. I just don't want to get out in that crap--I'm still not quite accustomed enough to city driving to want to compile that with icy roads. Blech.
In honor of winter weather and impending winter break, here are a couple of haikus:
Home with family
Sleep each day till afternoon
God bless Christmas break
Cold December morn
My dog runs to lick my face
Tongue froze to my cheek
Before Christmas break
Panic echoes through the halls
Finals break our minds
Ahh... some things never change. And to think, this time last year, I was convinced I was about to embark on my last ever round of finals. Oh, how we eat our words!
Hmm... one more poem to end the night... Oh! Here's one, in honor of my spastic emotions:
Shrieking and dancing with glee
Sobbing, heart-wrenched with sorrow
Heart soaring on hopeful winds
Chest pounding with bitter tears
Numb, paralyzed, too exhausted to feel a thing
Waken, start the whirlwind all over again
...and to all a good night. Oh, by the way, I looked out my window... I'm not the only one around here still awake at this hour. I'm surrounded by freaks! :)