Saturday, September 08, 2007

[Pithy Pity Party]

Warning: Potentially nauseating self-pity ahead. Patients with weak stomachs should read no further.

I'm lonely. I'm ridiculously lonely.

I have not hung out with a friend my age (or close) since March, when Andrea came to visit. I thought I would get to spend some quality time with my cousins when they visited in July, but they were all too wrapped up in their own lives back home to really for any of us to enjoy one another's company--though, for the most part, I can certainly understand why.

But the point is, I'm in a bad spot. I'm literally aching with loneliness, and I don't know what to do about it. Even if I did start to make friends, real friends, with someone from MSU, I'm so busy right now that I would probably have to turn them down if they called me up to get out of the house and do something.

The friends I've made at church are incredibly sweet; I would love to sit down and have long heart-to-hearts with any of them. But we're at such different points in our lives. For example, most of them are married; I've never even dated. It's hard. I mean, their being married and my being single doesn't exactly keep us from being friends or anything, but the truth is, I need a friend--one who lives nearby--who is in the same or a similar spot in life.

I just feel so utterly alone right now. I hate this.

Plus, here I've got this cute little studio set up perfectly to have friends come over for movie nights or dinner nights, just like we had at Truman, and the only guest I've had so far is my 69-year-old mom--and that was only last night.

I hate hate hate hate hate this. I haven't felt this lonely since sophomore or junior year--perhaps not even then.

I think I'll go cry myself to sleep.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

If I lived closer, I'd be over at your house all the time. :) I'm sure that God will bless you with close relationships. I'm praying that He does it sooner rather than later. I love you, Niki!