Sunday, September 02, 2007

[The Hurricanes of Change]


I have at least 12 chigger bites tormenting the life out of me.  How ever did I end up spending 23 years and 11 months of my life living in Missouri among the chigger-nuisances?  

I'm not the only one suffering at the hand of bugs--yesterday, while my dog was performing her duty of neighborhood watch dog by staring down the road in the direction of a rather suspicious sound, a hornet flew straight into her rear end.  I felt wretched for laughing--especially laughing as hard as I laughed--but when she jumped and jerked her tail down with the speed of a mousetrap, then spun around and glared at the air, then attempted to snatch the beast out of the air, then stood there for a good thirty seconds with--I swear, it's true--her lips pursed in perfect schoolmarm form, all hope for my keeping a straight face was shot to pieces.  

She gave me the silent treatment the rest of the day for laughing.  

I itch.  I mostly wretchedly itch.  Chiggers are miniature demons with masterful powers of evil.

Andrea called me today with big, big news--she's engaged.  I wonder how many engaged/recently married friends I have now?  I'm fairly certain it's up around a 33% margin.  Oh, don't get me wrong!  I'm excited for her--ecstatic, even!  I know she's going to be happy with Lee, and I know they're just crazy about each other.  But I'm feeling a little raw right now, not to mention rather lonely.  

I've just had so many changes happen in the past few months, mostly for good, but many changes nonetheless.  Within the past year, I've graduated from college, moved back home, gotten the sickest I've been in over five years, changed career directions, had five different jobs, applied to and was accepted at two different graduate schools, applied for assistantships at both schools, was only accepted by my second choice, moved to Springfield, almost lost my dog to grief, gained ten pounds (yuck), packed up all my belongings three times, started attending a new church... among other changes.  I've gone to two weddings this year and have had countless other friends get married without my being able to be present.   Also, about three or four of my old crushes have gotten married this year, and I thorough expect a couple others to announce their engagements before May.  It's a lot to process, believe me.  

At this point, I'm overwhelmed and emotional.  I need a good cry, but it will have to wait about 24 hours--I'm not about to cry at home and have my parents wondering what's wrong, when it's really nothing at all--just everything at once.  

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, of power, and of a sound mind."  II Timothy 1:7.  

Perhaps I should meditate on this verse.  And maybe I just need a close friend, both in proximity and friendship, again.  I feel so isolated.

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