Saturday, February 28, 2004

[Vow (Kutless, 2002)]

Another year has come and gone but nothing's changed
I've wasted another year doing the same old things
I want to break out of this and turn my life around
I'm going to make a vow to repent and turn to You
I'm crying out to you now as I make my new year's vow
I'll tell you I love You and I'll honor You somehow
Hear my promise to You
In this new year's vow I give You all of me
You'll be all of my life and I'll never think twice
To do all that You have for me
In my new year's vow
Lord I'll do my best to do all that I say
I'm not perfect but I know, that's OK
If I stumble you won't condemn my shame
I'm going to make a vow to repent and turn to You
I'm crying out to You now as I make my new year's vow
I'll tell you I love you and I'll honor You somehow
Hear my promise to You
In my new year's vow I give You all of me
You'll be all of my life and I'll never think twice to
Do all that you You have for me
In my new year's vow
It's a new year this year is different from the other ones
I'm crying out to You now as I make my new year's vow
I'll tell you I love you and I'll honor You somehow
Hear my promise to You
In my new year's vow I give You all of me
You'll be all of my life and I'll never think twice to
Do all that you You have for me
In my new year's vow

This song is on my heart right now. Yeah, I know it's not the new year, but in a way, it is... It's kind of a new era, really. I've seen something that just blew me away-- the Passion (suffering) of my Jesus for my sake. Like I said in my last post, I can't be the same again. Therefore, this is my vow: to be all I can be for Him. How can I not? What I saw was just earth-shattering, yet it was only a reflection of what He really did suffer.

In my vow I give You all of me. You'll be all of my life, from here on out.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

[The Passion of the Christ]

Last night, all I could think was, "I can never be the same again" and "I'm am so so so sorry..." Nothing I do, no life I live could ever be worthy of what He did for me. My nose is raw from crying, and when I got out of there, I was so emotionally spent that I was physically exhausted. Thinking about what I saw now makes my eyes well up with tears. I was saved before, and I've rededicated my life before, but never like this... Oh, never have I imagined... oh. Oh... Oh.... I just can't express it. I can't tell you how many times last night I just had to grab on to a wall or something to remain upright as the knowledge of what He did for me coursed through me. And I watched every moment. He gave me the strength not to avert my eyes. But it was hard.

I can never be the same person again. I just can't. This movie completely redefined "bought with a price" for me. My life is not my own. It can't be. It can't. That should have been me, but He took it for me. I can no longer justify my own sins. Oh, my heart.

Hosanna Adonai... Yeshua Ha'Mashiach. Jehovah Jireh, El Shaddai. Hosanna! Hosanna!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

[Stormy Weather]

My usually brave little dog cowered in the bathroom in a far corner shaking uncontrollably in utter terror. Outside, the lightning whitened the black night sky every few seconds. Occasionally, a bolt struck within a quarter mile of our house, and the power of the thunder shook our double-wide’s foundations. Sassy, who is usually the first to confront anything that wanders into our yard, wanted nothing to do with this weather. She was perfectly content to remain safe in her little bathroom corner in the northeast part of the house, thank you. As I went in to comfort the little ball of fur, she crawled into my lap, ears flat against her head and tail hidden between her legs, as though begging me to protect her from that big, mean storm outside.
After a few minutes of soothing words and scratching Sassy’s ears, I could hear the local tornado sirens blaring through the torrents. I didn’t move, however, because I have a very smart dog. During a storm, she picks out the safest room and the safest corner of house. Sassy was terrified, and though I should have been frightened—after all, what protection is a double-wide mobile home in a tornado?—I just sat holding my Sassy, whispering gently that it would be alright.
No tornado ever hit our house that night. Once upon a time, one missed our house and knocked down a hundred year old oak tree next to my window as I slept, oblivious to the storm, but so far, my family has been protected from the fury of the (edge of) Tornado Alley. Instead of really fearing the raging winds and wild crashes of thunder and lightening, I see them as testaments of God’s power.
There is a song, a Christian contemporary song, by Todd Agnew called “This Fragile Breath." In it, he describes God through a storm: “You speak with thunder and lightening, your voice shakes the mountains, the foundations of the earth.” He shows how God has all this power over the wild storms like hurricanes and tornados… they’re at His beck and call! Agnew goes on to say, “All I can offer is this fragile breath… With each one I’ll praise You. With each one I’ll praise You more!” God has all this power over the powers of the earth... and we are so small and helpless in comparison; we are but a fragile breath. Yet, because God is so much in control, I can be fearless as a storm rages all around me. As I sit with Sassy shaking in my lap, whispering words of comfort in her ears, God sits beside me, holding me tight and whispering His words of comfort to me.