Tuesday, April 27, 2004

[I Need a Hug... a Freakin' Huge Hug]

I'm drained.  I've spent the last two weeks or so in a frenzy, and I still have two weeks of frenzying left to go.  Now, I realize I'm not alone in this, but I guess in my company, I feel all the more alone, because we're all so busy we don't have time to really give each other much of a hand right now.

Last week my dad had major heart surgery--an aorta bypass--and that drained me simply from worry.  They were 4 hours late taking him in to surgery, then the surgery itself took four times longer than it was supposed to... and here I was waiting by the phone five hours away from the hospital waiting to hear if he was out of surgery and if he was ok.  Petrified?  No joke.  Hello ulcerville.  (Some of you may know I'm adopted by my grandparents... so that's who I'm referring to.  Me and my dad are pretty tight, so I was a wreck.) 

Finals are coming up.  Need I say more?  They start a week from Thursday.  Then there are all the tests between now and finals.  Gah.

My foot.

The Unique Ensemble concert was postponed until Sunday, which made things really tight for me, and since I have extra responsibilities with that, yeah.  I got very little else accomplished this weekend.  Oh, and now they've gone and added another performance on for Friday.  Great.  I wouldn't mind, except I found out today--about 3 days beforehand.  I don't even know what time it is yet.  *groan*

I hate to say it, but I've been slacking off on my Bible time too.  I wanna kick myself for it, but my kicking foot is out of commission, so I guess I'll have to settle for smacking myself upside the head.  I can't justify it by saying I don't have time... after all, I've been playing with this thing for the last few days.  I haven't thought about it.  I've looked up a couple scriptures, but otherwise, I've been lazy.  However, I'm writing this to hold myself accountable that I'll sit down and read tonight when I get off work... not just read a couple sentences, but actually delve like I should.  Next time I write here, I'll have to admit whether I did or I didn't. 

Ha... why do I need someone to kick my butt when I do I fine job on my own? ;) 

*ahem*  Anyway, moving on.

Please pardon my vent... though I complain, my life isn't as "bad" as I may make sound.  I just needed to get some things off my chest. 

I did get my acceptance packet from the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow for my study abroad for next spring.  I'm stoked.  Dude... I'll get my own bedroom and study area!  I think I'm almost more excited about that than Scotland!  Ok, not really, but still... hehe.   Oh, and I'll be more than happy to accept donations... ;) It's going to cost me a bit more to be there than it costs me to be here at Truman.  Plus, I won't have a car.  I'll have to take the bus and the Underground everywhere.  Tuition, room, and board are higher, and food costs more.  I'll be working hard this summer to save up money.  Every little bit will help.  Besides, there is so much I want to do and see while I'm over there.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and I don't want to miss anything while I'm there. 

Work is almost over, so I guess I'll ponder more some other time. 

But I'm serious about the hug.  I could use one.  I could always use one.



[UPDATE: Yes... I was a good girl after work.  I did what I said I would do.]

Monday, April 26, 2004

[The Bigger Klutz]

In January, a group of CCF guys had a welcome back bash at their house.  They had a great turnout, some cool live music, and so on and so forth.  While I was there, my friend Jon and I got into a conversation about which of us was more "graceful."  To prove which of us was the bigger klutz, we had a marker flipping contest.  To my great chagrin (and utter shock) I actually, for the first time in my life, caught the pen--with my left hand even!!! Yeah, Jon won that day. 

So yesterday, I hobbled over to Jon and showed him my foot.  "I win." 

"I sprained my foot before too... How'd you do it?"

{insert story here}

"Did you fall?"

"Well, no, but let me tell you about last semester when I was running late to history class..."

After some discussion, we finally decided to call our gracefulness competition to a draw, and we shook on it. 


I must say, I am glad it's the twenty-first century, and it's humorous when people are clumsy, rather than disgraceful.  I can laugh at myself and have others laugh with me instead of hiding my face in shame. 

Friday, April 23, 2004

[Living Up to the Family Name]

I have a graceful family.  I have a cousin who is known for getting up in the middle of the night and falling into our Christmas tree, breaking our oaken kitchen chair, knocking pictures off our walls... My mom has stepped off a curb in Hawaii and sprained her ankle... and the stories continue.  I have a few of my own.  Well, I have a new one today.  I came in late to a movie this evening, so the theater was really dark, and my eyes hadn't adjusted yet.  All the theaters are different, so I had no idea where I was walking, and all of a sudden, my foot fell down, and I twisted my foot, hard.  Yeah, I think I have a minor sprain.  So I'm out of my concert Sunday, unless it stops hurting by then.  So I'm not going to rehearsal tomorrow.  I'm just going Sunday and set up the video camera, hit record, hit stop, and not worry about anything else.  I don't know.  Maybe it's a blessing from God, taking a little stress off of me.  Yeah, I like that idea.  I'm gonna go with that.  My ankle hurts, but I've got less to worry about.  In the meantime, I can get some studying done before work tomorrow and before I help set up for the CCF Women's Prom.  I think I can deal with that.

[My Realization]

I don't remember the song.  Yeah, Amanda, sorry... blasphemous, I know.  But I'll write it down the next time we sing it.  I'd just never heard it before, and when we were singing it a couple Sundays ago in CCF, the lyrics struck me.  While we suffer through hardships here on earth, we're suffering for Christ's sake.  When we get to heaven, when we see our Savior face to face, when see His scars, we're going to be filled with such joy that any pain we suffered here on earth will be forgotten yesterday.  With every hardship we endure, we build a crown that God will present to us when we arrive in heaven, and we are going to lay that crown down at Jesus's feet with dancing hearts.  Guys, we can't imagine the joy we're going to feel then.  He gave me a little glimpse of that joy in the middle of that song, and I just started dancing right there.  I even started crying with joy.  I saw myself with this itty bitty tiara (because really, I haven't suffered that much... it may seem like it sometimes, but I really haven't), and saying, "Here, Yeshua, Lord.  It was all for You.  None of is mine.  Take it."  And then He turns around, and saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant," places on it me.  His blood covers my mistakes.  I know I'm going to fail, but as long as I'm following after Him, striving to do His will, placing my will in His, I may face hardships, but none of them matter, because all of them are for His sake.  I'm not suffering for me... I'm suffering for the One Who suffered for me.  I owe Him my life and so much more... I can't do it on my own, but like Paul says in II Corinthians 12: 10, "When I am weak, then I am strong." 

We fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus.
The greatness of mercy and love, at the feet of Jesus.
And we cry Holy, Holy, Holy.  We cry Holy, Holy, Holy.
We cry Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lamb. 

Spread wide in the arms of Christ
Is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known
Than You've considered me a friend
Capture my heart again.

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship is so intimate
I find I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

[*Deep Breath*]

Ok... here it comes... The crazy weekend approaches.Tomorrow (or should I say today?) won't be too bad.  I'm going to see The Prince and Me, maybe go out to get dinner. But starting Saturday morning, the chaos begins. So, if you are looking for me, and you can't figure out why I've seemed to have disappeared of the face of the earth, um, look for me around May 12th. Maybe sooner, but no guarantees.  Yeah. 

So, I realized I didn't share all my poetry I wrote this semester. Sooo... While this isn't really one that's "on my heart" right now, so to speak, it was definitely relevant earlier on, so I'll share anyway. It's a rewrite of the old "Alone" poem.


"Alone"

A hole in my heart
Growing, growing.
God, will I always be alone?
Will you never send him to me?
Must I always wonder?
I don't ask for much.
Just a moment… that one second.
His arms around me in a
Strong, tender, loving embrace.
That one moment when I would know.
He would know.
We would just… know.

I hope I manage to keep up the writing this summer... keep after me to write poetry! I mean, not constantly, but occasionally.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

[Late Night Ramblings]

So here it is, almost 2 am... I really should be asleep.  But, I'm not.  Why?  I have no idea.  I'm tired enough.  I have to get up for a 9 am class, so I'm going to be dead tired tomorrow morning, I already know.  But I'm sitting here, in front of my computer, looking for reasons to stay awake.  And for the life of me, I can't figure out why.  I'm yawning wide enough to split my head wide open. 

And here I'm supposed to be smart.  Hmph.  Go figure.

So let's talk about this semester a little bit... if I'm going to be procrastinating sleep, I might as well bring the blog up to speed the rest of the way.  Scholastically, OY VEY... My poor head.  I'm only taking the bare minimum of 12 hours, yet I feel like I'm stretched out as far as I can stretch.  Can you say stress?  Yeesh.  It's insane.  They told me Truman was a hard school, but hard wasn't nearly descriptive enough.  I'm doing alright... I think.  But man-oh-man, the effort it takes to do "alright" is nothing like the old "alright" efforts.  In fact, it's nothing like the old "really good" efforts.  Argh.  Ok... I'm done rambling about grades.  After all... there are another 6000 students in the same boat as me, so I've no right to complain. 

As for the social and spiritual parts of my life, they have both improved.  Which, of course, does not make Satan too happy.  I think that's why I've had so many headaches and other problems this semester... attacks of discouragement.  Perhaps.  I've gotten more involved in Campus Christian Fellowship (CCF), and in doing so, I've just grown so much spiritually.  For the first time, really, I feel like I have friends who I can go up to and really say, hey, can you pray with me? I'm going through something and I need some prayer support.  And I know I'll have it.  For once in my life, I have close friends on the same or a higher spiritual level as me.  That's so amazing to me.  It really is.  And these friends really care about me.  It's just so cool for me.  I really have no words.  God has blessed me.  It's going to break my heart to leave them this summer.  And several will be graduating--even sadder.   They have no idea how much they've encouraged me this year. 

God is so awesome.  While I have to go through a lot of crap, He never fails to bless me in the midst.

Transferred from an old blog

Sunday, April 18, 2004

[Revolutionary]

He walked by me, and I knew I would never be the same again. Strangely, there is nothing out of the ordinary about him, other than the band of listeners clamoring to get his attention and hear what he has to say. He looks like any other man from my village, like any man my betrothed would go to the temple with in Jerusalem. He isn’t any taller than anyone else, or any shorter for that matter. He is by no means handsome or ugly… just an ordinary traveling Jewish rabbi.

This man Yeshua from Nazareth has started talk among the men of more revolution and fighting the Roman Empire. But fool men that they are, they do not listen. I have sat listening carefully every day for the last week to Yeshua’s words. There is no hint of political revolution. He only speaks of changing individually… not the empire! This is fool’s talk my men speak of. This will only cause more problems.

Then again, maybe Yeshua is a revolutionary. What man do you know actually allows women to follow him… much less listens to what they have to say to him? Yet Yeshua’s mother and several women are constantly with him, and he does not rebuke them for their thoughts. He even encourages them! He touches women and heals them as much as he does the men. He caught my eye the other day, and I felt no fear that I would be struck down or rebuked for being too bold. He even asked me how I was doing. If I were to approach my betrothed, even if I were married to him, in public, I would be considered a disgrace. Yet I saw this Yeshua smile and help up a young girl who had tripped and fallen in the street this morning… a stranger.

You know, I hope Yeshua is a revolutionary… but not the kind my men want. I hope he’s a revolutionary that is going to change us from the inside out and make us the way Jehovah meant us to be... not what we’ve made ourselves into.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

[Lover]

Lord, I want to be ever nearer to You,
Drawn up even closer in Your arms.
I want to hear the life-force beating in Your chest,
My cheek at rest against the fabric of your cloak.

I want to be close enough to run my fingers
Through the whiskers they tore from Your precious face,
To trace my fingers lovingly over the scars
Of the deadly, unspeakable wounds You endured for me.

I want to feel Your arms tight about me
And feel Your fingers twirling my hair.
I want your hands, rough from work in a common
Carpenter shop, to gently brush away my tears.

I want to dance! dance! dance! Twirling and laughing!
I want to dance before You, for You, and with You.
I want You to take my by the hand, spin me till we fall,
Then, laughing, pick me up again and spin some more!

Yeshua Ha’Mashiach, I want to stay right here,
My face buried in Your chest, listening to Your heart.
I want to always gaze lovingly up to see Your eyes
Shining with tears of the purest, most intimate love back at me.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

[Vow (Kutless, 2002)]

Another year has come and gone but nothing's changed
I've wasted another year doing the same old things
I want to break out of this and turn my life around
I'm going to make a vow to repent and turn to You
I'm crying out to you now as I make my new year's vow
I'll tell you I love You and I'll honor You somehow
Hear my promise to You
In this new year's vow I give You all of me
You'll be all of my life and I'll never think twice
To do all that You have for me
In my new year's vow
Lord I'll do my best to do all that I say
I'm not perfect but I know, that's OK
If I stumble you won't condemn my shame
I'm going to make a vow to repent and turn to You
I'm crying out to You now as I make my new year's vow
I'll tell you I love you and I'll honor You somehow
Hear my promise to You
In my new year's vow I give You all of me
You'll be all of my life and I'll never think twice to
Do all that you You have for me
In my new year's vow
It's a new year this year is different from the other ones
I'm crying out to You now as I make my new year's vow
I'll tell you I love you and I'll honor You somehow
Hear my promise to You
In my new year's vow I give You all of me
You'll be all of my life and I'll never think twice to
Do all that you You have for me
In my new year's vow

This song is on my heart right now. Yeah, I know it's not the new year, but in a way, it is... It's kind of a new era, really. I've seen something that just blew me away-- the Passion (suffering) of my Jesus for my sake. Like I said in my last post, I can't be the same again. Therefore, this is my vow: to be all I can be for Him. How can I not? What I saw was just earth-shattering, yet it was only a reflection of what He really did suffer.

In my vow I give You all of me. You'll be all of my life, from here on out.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

[The Passion of the Christ]

Last night, all I could think was, "I can never be the same again" and "I'm am so so so sorry..." Nothing I do, no life I live could ever be worthy of what He did for me. My nose is raw from crying, and when I got out of there, I was so emotionally spent that I was physically exhausted. Thinking about what I saw now makes my eyes well up with tears. I was saved before, and I've rededicated my life before, but never like this... Oh, never have I imagined... oh. Oh... Oh.... I just can't express it. I can't tell you how many times last night I just had to grab on to a wall or something to remain upright as the knowledge of what He did for me coursed through me. And I watched every moment. He gave me the strength not to avert my eyes. But it was hard.

I can never be the same person again. I just can't. This movie completely redefined "bought with a price" for me. My life is not my own. It can't be. It can't. That should have been me, but He took it for me. I can no longer justify my own sins. Oh, my heart.

Hosanna Adonai... Yeshua Ha'Mashiach. Jehovah Jireh, El Shaddai. Hosanna! Hosanna!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

[Stormy Weather]

My usually brave little dog cowered in the bathroom in a far corner shaking uncontrollably in utter terror. Outside, the lightning whitened the black night sky every few seconds. Occasionally, a bolt struck within a quarter mile of our house, and the power of the thunder shook our double-wide’s foundations. Sassy, who is usually the first to confront anything that wanders into our yard, wanted nothing to do with this weather. She was perfectly content to remain safe in her little bathroom corner in the northeast part of the house, thank you. As I went in to comfort the little ball of fur, she crawled into my lap, ears flat against her head and tail hidden between her legs, as though begging me to protect her from that big, mean storm outside.
After a few minutes of soothing words and scratching Sassy’s ears, I could hear the local tornado sirens blaring through the torrents. I didn’t move, however, because I have a very smart dog. During a storm, she picks out the safest room and the safest corner of house. Sassy was terrified, and though I should have been frightened—after all, what protection is a double-wide mobile home in a tornado?—I just sat holding my Sassy, whispering gently that it would be alright.
No tornado ever hit our house that night. Once upon a time, one missed our house and knocked down a hundred year old oak tree next to my window as I slept, oblivious to the storm, but so far, my family has been protected from the fury of the (edge of) Tornado Alley. Instead of really fearing the raging winds and wild crashes of thunder and lightening, I see them as testaments of God’s power.
There is a song, a Christian contemporary song, by Todd Agnew called “This Fragile Breath." In it, he describes God through a storm: “You speak with thunder and lightening, your voice shakes the mountains, the foundations of the earth.” He shows how God has all this power over the wild storms like hurricanes and tornados… they’re at His beck and call! Agnew goes on to say, “All I can offer is this fragile breath… With each one I’ll praise You. With each one I’ll praise You more!” God has all this power over the powers of the earth... and we are so small and helpless in comparison; we are but a fragile breath. Yet, because God is so much in control, I can be fearless as a storm rages all around me. As I sit with Sassy shaking in my lap, whispering words of comfort in her ears, God sits beside me, holding me tight and whispering His words of comfort to me.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

[MLK, Jr's "I Have a Dream" speech]

"I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon of hope to millions of Negro slaves, who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity. But one hundred years later, the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacle of segregation and the chains of discrimination.

One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our Nation's Capital to cash a check. When the architects of our great republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.

This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed to the inalienable rights of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is not time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.

Now is the time to make real the promise of democracy.

Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice.

Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

Now is the time to make justice a reality to all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of it's colored citizens. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual.

There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds.

Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must ever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality.

We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities.

We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one.

We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "for white only."

We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote.

No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of your trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by storms of persecutions and staggered by the winds of police brutality.

You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our modern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow. I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; that one day right down in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and every mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plains and the crooked places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I will go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.

With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.

With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to climb up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father's died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!"

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that, let freedom, ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi and every mountainside.

And when this happens, when we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every tenement and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old spiritual, "Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last." "

I simply cannot help but be stirred by that speech. Of course, Dr. King was a skillful orator and speech-writer, but there's more to it than that. He didn't just give advice, he took it himself. He gave himself completely to his dream of a world in which we are beginning to see today, in which people of different races can fellowship together without suspicion of one another's motives. We still have so far to go, but we have also come a long way. After all, let's face it, 40 years ago, there's no way I could've been a part of the group I'm in today... or if I were, it wouldn't have been in this part of the country. I would never have been able to meet the awesome people of Unique Ensemble... all because of a stupid thing we call "race". Race is not even a proper biological excuse, since science has shown recently that it's more likely that 2 people of different races have similar DNA sequences than 2 people of the same race. So what's our excuse? You can give me any excuse in the world, but I'll tell you it's moot. "They should go back where they came from." Well, if that's the case, I guess we ought to be back in Europe. But which country? After all, I'm Scottish, English, Irish, French, German, Croatian, Jewish, and Oh! Choctaw American Indian! So I'd be divided between 3 different continents! The idea of race is nothing but bull crap. Pride in one's ancestral heritage is one thing... after all, African Americans have every right to be as proud of their heritage as European Americans. Both continents had their weaknesses and their strengths. History shows that neither continent was "better" than the other. So why should we think so? No human is superior... with the singular exception of Jesus Christ. Jesus was 100% God. No other human can claim that; therefore, all humans need to realize we are on the same level. We do not have a right to oppress one another, whether through slavery or slums. We are made to be the light of God. How can we be lights if we judge one another based on skin color? How can we be lights if we only communicate with others "like us"? You can't grow that way. And you can't use the excuse that it's the way you were raised; racism is a choice. It's the 21st century. You have a choice whether or not to love one another as Christ loved us... and that means people of all races, genders, nationalities, and creeds. There is no north or south. There is humanity, created by God and for God. Look, I understand southern loyalty, but this Yankee vs. Dixie stuff is crap. The war ended almost 140 years ago. It's over. We are one nation. We are living in perilous times, and we need to unite together in love, pure love agape love. You can make all the excuses you want about why you're racist... "Well they..." or "Well here..." Sorry. I don't buy it. You are responsible for yourself. However you have been treated in the past or whatever lies you've been told about about how all blacks or all asians do this or that, they don't matter. You are old enough and mature enough to make your own choices, and you can choose to overlook these prejudices and learn to love people of different races. If you don't, you're missing you. I'm in a position to make such a claim. Don't deprive yourself of getting to know wonderful people because of prejudice. Swallow your prejudgments and embrace one another.

That's how I feel on the matter. I don't know how much sense that made, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying. Dr. King, I thank you for what you sacrificed so that my generation would be able to rise above the past and love one another. I'm looking forward to shaking your hand in heaven.

[Rant]

Well, it's 10 degrees. There is also a -4 wind chill. And I had to walk all the way across campus... twice. Gah. Cold Niki. And of course, Mom and Dad had a wonderful time on their warm, tropical cruise. Hmph. But, on the plus side, Mom did say she'll never go on another cruise without me, since she can't handle not speaking to me for a week! God bless overattached moms... :D

And it's a busy weekend. I'll be back after my parents call me to write a little something on the Man, Martin Luther King, Jr. What a dude. :) And anyone (you know who you are) who tries to convince me he's something else, you can just shove it u-- er, well, you get the picture. Love for one another that crosses racial boundaries has always been a passion of mine, since I was a small child.... argh... I'll expand on this later. They should be calling any minute now... So, I'll be back in a few! :D

Monday, January 12, 2004

[Update Time]

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Sorry... laziness is to blame, I suppose. Anywho.

I... got my first ticket on the way home for Christmas break. Yeah. I felt horrible. Then, of course, Dad felt the need to "help" me... Yeah, Dad, like I need your help feeling miserable. Thanks. *ahem* But I'm over it now. And I keep my car on cruise control from here on out. *sigh*

On the plus side, I got 4 A's and 1 B, which is definitely better than I'd expected, so I'm feeling pretty darned good about that one. :D

Throughout Christmas break, I basically read for recreation, slept, visited my grandparents, went shopping, and went to movies. Good time had by all, most definitely.

Oh, and I found out I weigh the most I've ever weighed in my life... so, Hello Atkin's Diet! And some tummy crunches, while I'm at it...

I had a CT scan run on my head to find the source of my headaches, and while everything pretty much appeared normal, the doctor did notice something going on with my pituitary gland, so I had to have blood tests and an MRI run right before I came back here. Results to be announced soon, I suppose.

The same day I left to go 300 miles north to this treeless, flat tundra they call Northeast Missouri, my parents left to go on a 7 day Caribbean cruise. *wistful look*

And finally, I got back to school Saturday, and my computer crashed. Everything lost. Files, photos, emails, everthing. Definitely didn't make my day, that's for sure.

On the plus side, however, it can only go up from here! :D