Wednesday, September 24, 2003

[Hearing from God]

Lately, I don't know. I seem to be more open to what He has in store for me, and it's almost frightening. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wants me to go into counselling [edit: yeah, um, not so much] and I am daily reaffirmed in this realization. But at the same time, I think He's testing my commitment to follow His will for my life. He sends people across my path that really touch (and break) my heart, and it's like he's saying, Ok, so you say you're ready to follow me. Good. But do you know what you're getting into? You are going to face this nearly every day of your life, and you'll have to have the fortitude to face it head on and not break. So, are you truly ready to go where I lead you? It's not going to be easy, but you will have far more joy in the long run.

Well, I myself am not ready. I can't do this. It frightens me, and I never know what to say in these situations. But you know what? I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah, I can't do this, but God can. In fact, because I can't do this myself, I give Him the room to do it for me, which is far more effective. When I'm tongue-tied, He speaks through me. And He, not I, changes their lives. I just pray they realize that it's not me, but my Lord, Yeshua Ha'Mashiach.

I have more to say, but I'll post it later tonight or tomorrow.

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