Thursday, September 25, 2003

[Out of the Mire]

Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
(Whole Chapter: Psalm 40 In context: Psalm 40:1-3)
Psalm 69:14
Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters.

1. An area of wet, soggy, muddy ground; a bog.
2. Deep slimy soil or mud.
This morning around 3 am, I was laying in bed trying to sleep, going over a conversation I’d had with a girl who is struggling to let go and give everything over to God. As I thought about it and prayed for her, the word “mire” suddenly popped into my head (coincidence? I think not). Unfortunately, I couldn’t really get around to typing this up last night, so I made a note to myself to post this sometime soon. So here it is.

Let’s talk about a mire. A mire, according to that definition I just listed above, kind of resembles a quicksand effect, doesn’t it? At least, you certainly wouldn’t want to get stuck in one. But let’s say you are stuck in a mire. First, instinctively, you struggle on your own to get out. But the mire sucks you in even further. When you realize this, your next instinct is to give up. But of course, gravity is still a factor, and you’re still sinking. No matter what you do, you are being pulled down. Now let’s say someone comes along, and sees you in the mire. He or she offers to help pull you out. If you let this person help you, you’re probably going to get out because the force helping you comes from the outside. But what if you don’t realize they can help you? “I’ve already tried to get out. It’s impossible.” The person replies to you that he or she is on solid ground, so he or she has a foothold, unlike you. But you are stubborn, determined that if you can’t get yourself out, no one can. Meanwhile, you keep sinking.

We’re faced with an identical dilemma in life, both before we become Christians, and very often after we become Christians. I think the before dilemma pretty well explains itself, but what about after we become Christians? Very often, after we become Christians, we try to hold on to bits of our old life. Although we’re out of the deep end of the mire, we keep slipping back in because we are unwilling to let Christ pull us the rest of the way out. We thank Him for pulling us out, but we ask Him to set us down right back by the edge, because we don’t want change too soon. The idea of a whole new life frightens us, even if it’s accompanied by a promise of safety. We hold on to the old ways and start sinking again. Then, we struggle to ‘fix’ things on our own. Pretty soon, we realize, we can’t do it on our own, but often, instead of asking for help, we just give up. We’ve already called on Christ, so why would He want to come back and help us again? Meanwhile, He calls to us, offering His hand. Do we accept or not? It’s a matter of giving everything over to Him and letting Him set us where He wants us, where we’re safe.

Are you out of the mire yet?

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

[Hearing from God]

Lately, I don't know. I seem to be more open to what He has in store for me, and it's almost frightening. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wants me to go into counselling [edit: yeah, um, not so much] and I am daily reaffirmed in this realization. But at the same time, I think He's testing my commitment to follow His will for my life. He sends people across my path that really touch (and break) my heart, and it's like he's saying, Ok, so you say you're ready to follow me. Good. But do you know what you're getting into? You are going to face this nearly every day of your life, and you'll have to have the fortitude to face it head on and not break. So, are you truly ready to go where I lead you? It's not going to be easy, but you will have far more joy in the long run.

Well, I myself am not ready. I can't do this. It frightens me, and I never know what to say in these situations. But you know what? I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah, I can't do this, but God can. In fact, because I can't do this myself, I give Him the room to do it for me, which is far more effective. When I'm tongue-tied, He speaks through me. And He, not I, changes their lives. I just pray they realize that it's not me, but my Lord, Yeshua Ha'Mashiach.

I have more to say, but I'll post it later tonight or tomorrow.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

[Hyper, Happy, Giddy...On the Wrong Day]

You know, I'm not always this cheerful. On the whole, I'm a happy person, just not...actively happy like I am right now. Which is great... I'm happy that I'm so danged happy (bad, huh?), but I feel like I'm happy on the wrong day. As most of you can see, it's the second anniversary of 9-11, and I feel like I should be more serious, remembering. And I am remembering. But I can't be sad today. Which is... sad, really. I'm in a good mood, and I'm enjoying it. I just kind of wish my moods would choose more appropriate days to show up. Now, if it were my birthday, it'd be a lot more appropriate.

Why I am letting myself feel guilty? I have a right to be happy any day. In fact, it's my prerogative as born-again person--joy in the face of sorrow, although joy is not the same thing as happiness or giddiness, but still.

I wonder... is it wise for me to go into psychology? I may discover just how nuts I really am... and that would be depressing... but I'm too hyper and happy to care right now, so... Gah! I'm an emotion basketcase today! *runs around the living room then finally calms down... a little anyway...*

I may post later tonight when I'm not so... weird.

Have a blessed day!

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

[My Purpose in Life]

Finally! I finally (think I) know what it is God wants me to do (careerwise)!!! What a relief!

I am going to be a Christian counsellor for teens and young adults. So, my plan is to switch my major to Psychology (hopefully, this is my last switch), and I will finish my Bachelor's degree here. Then I plan to attend graduate school at a Christian university where I will find out how to put Psych into a Christian perspective.

Man, this is great! I don't feel like I'm going to walk into a brick wall anymore. Sweet!

On a not-so-cheery note, I had a moment of elegance and gracefulness yesterday. Here I was, speedwalking to class (yeah, I was running a bit late, so sue me), and I tripped. Not only did I trip, I fell--hard. So, now I have a skinned knee and scraped up hands. Yay. Oh yeah, and about 10 people watched me tumble flat on my face, and would you believe it, not ONE of them was kind enough to even ask from a distance if I was ok. Not one! So therefore my views on the general curtesy of mankind is somewhat marred, and I am somewhat miffed (and a bit stiff while we're on the subject).

Off to bed I go! I have a long day tomorrow. Have a blessed day!

29 days left of the teens! Yessss!

Monday, September 01, 2003

[Summer... Where Art Thou?]

Oh summer... where have you gone? I was just starting to have fun, then WHAM! It's the end of August and back to school time. By the way, I'm temporarily over the mood I was in last time I wrote here. Yeah, I'm still a little lonely, but I have complete faith that it'll happen when God is ready for it to happen... (I just wonder how much longer)

You know, it seems the older and wiser I grow, the more confused I get. I won't share the details, but gah! all the weird news I've been getting lately! And with each passing month, the news gets weirder. Just when I thought life couldn't get any stranger, I get a phone call or an IM saying, "You'll never believe this, but..." And the sad thing is... I really can hardly believe it. Life is, for lack of a better term WEIRD!!!

Ok, it's about 2 in the morning, and I think my roommate wants to get some sleep, so hopefully I'll find some more time in the near future to do a bit more blogging.

Later peeps!

(38 days left of the teens! Whoo-hoo!)