Wednesday, December 10, 2003

[Collegiate Christmas Haiku]

Home with family
Sleep each day til afternoon
God bless Christmas break

Cold December morn
My dog runs to lick my face
Tongue froze to my cheek

Before Christmas break
Panic echoes through the dorms
Finals break our minds

Oh, and someone on the forum I go to wrote this one that amused me to no end:
Cold December morn
Sidewalk meets my face quickly
The dog peed again.

Good one, Tim! :D

Thursday, November 13, 2003


Seasonal Affective Depression.

A depression that many of us get around this time of year from a lack of sunlight, etc. And have I ever got it this year. I don't know why it's worse this year than normal. I just know it is. So, please, just bear with me for the next several months until I get my proper sunlight and cheeriness and I get back to normal. Because I will get back to my usual cheery self at some point in the next few months. So, for now, I'm using blogger as a vent. If you don't care if I'm down and out, or if you're gonna freak out the second you read me saying that life sucks, don't read anything until spring. Because, let's face it, my posts are going to be centered around that, and I will get over it. So, now on to my vent.

Why oh why oh why do I get my hopes up? Why? Even when I try to avoid it, I always end up getting my freaking hopes up over "maybe he likes me back" and I always get disappointed. "Surely not always?" you say? Yes, to date, always. And frankly, I'm sick and tired of it. It's an endless, vicious cycle. And it hurts... a lot. And it's just getting old. I'm ready for a change in that pattern. Bring on the change!!! It's not the fact that I'm single that bothers me... it's the fact that single's all I've ever been. I've never gotten to experience what it feels like when the guy you like likes you back. Totally foreign concept for me. Honestly, if the guy I like right now were to ask me out, I'm not sure I would remember how to say yes out of complete shock. Now, I would hope I'd be able to keep my composure enough to wait until I'm out of his presence to have a heart attack, but who knows... And anyway, what are the chances of that happening? The previously mentioned "signs" either aren't there anymore, or I've seen other explanations... hence my disappointed state of mind. I mean, there's still the possibility, but all the same... Something I need to get over, but hey, I wouldn't be me if I got over it immediately. I put too much of my heart into things. *mutters-stupid-big-heart-mutters* I mean, dang it, I'm 20 years old! Not that I'm old, but the point is that I'm at the age where I'm really starting to think about stuff like relationships, families, etc., so it's kinda bugging me. I mean, I'm not trying to get married or anything in the next couple of years; I have to graduate college first. A husband would be a little too distracting at the time. But... aw, geez... I don't know how to put it into words. I hope you all know what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to be shallow, like "oh I have to have a boyfriend or I'm gonna die," or what-have-you. I'm just ready for a change... and a chance to experience life on the other side of the relationship tracks, you know? I'm tired of dreaming and wondering! I want to live! Is that so much to ask? I mean, honestly...

Well, I don't know how much of this makes sense... but at least I got some of it off my chest. Feel free to agree or disagree or just plain comment in the comments area below. At least I'll know someone is paying attention. Thanks.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

[Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty]

Today at CCF, the sermon was all about the "holiness" aspect of God. One quote mentioned (I can't remember who said it... so don't ask) was brought to my attention. As most Biblical scholars know, in the Bible if something is repeated it is done so for emphasis. Well the quote brings to attention that the Bible never calls God "Love Love Love" or "Truth Truth Truth," both of which are parts of God, but it does say that He is "Holy Holy Holy." Holy is repeated twice! No other facet of God is so important as His holiness. Everything else stems from holiness, which is so far from our comprehension. Also, holiness and goodness are completely different things. As humans, we can be good, but holiness we merely strive for. It's so hard to put into words. Have you ever wondered why Jesus had to die? Because God is holy holy holy, He cannot be in the presence of sin. Something drastic had to be done in order to make us holy enough for him, because holiness is separateness. There was no other way to allow us in the presence of God! We have such a watered-down image of God today, and it does not begin to give Him the credit, the acknowledement of who He is. "Behold, I am ruined!" Isaiah said. This was no mere common phrase. Isaiah was consumed by guilt after witnessing what holiness truly is. He was in complete and utter awe! He looked upon the holiness of God, and he knew the power of that holiness, and it literally blew him over.

Wow... God is awesome--deserving of our complete AWE. Amazing, isn't it?

Friday, October 31, 2003

[School Photos]

Yes, we still get school photos in college... And this year, they turned out awesome! Or, one did, anyway...

Check it out here!

Thursday, October 30, 2003

[Pointless Rambling]

Honestly, I don't know what to talk about, but I feel like I need to write something... So, I think I'm just going to do some "freewriting" for a while.

I am so ready for a nice long break. School is getting so dull I just can't get inspired to do the work. I think it wouldn't be so bad if I had someplace to go over the weekends, some way of getting refreshed or something. Fortunately, I do get to go home next weekend. I won't get to do a whole lot since it's Missouri Statewide, and I'll be spending most of my time in rehearsal, but all the same, it'll be nice to have some privacy. I really miss privacy. My roommate and I are so cramped up in this little room... argh. And most of the time we get along, but I just really appreciate solitude, and I don't get much anymore. I guess I'm so used to being an only child that I don't know what to think of someone always being around... It's weird for me. And I can't get away either during the week because I'll lose my parking spot... I really enjoy driving, and I'm just not getting to do that except for WalMart trips. And WalMart.... that's the big weekend excitement around here... except, there is a movie theater... and a skating rink... but I can't very well do that stuff by myself, and anytime I have free time, none of my friends do... ARGH! Cabin fever... That's all I have to say. Bring me the open road and some rockin' God tunes!

However, I have found a source of reprieve: Christian music videos! has streaming video 24/7... and some rockin' videos. Good stuff. :D

Well, I've had my vent... Disregard my ramblings and get on with your lives... :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

[My Stupid Stupid Computer]

Arrrrgh... Ok, tomorrow I have 2 tests, a paper, and a speech due, and my computer crashed! Here I am, getting ready to go to work (where I am now), and I go to check my email before I leave, and my mouse won't work. So, I turn off my computer and turn it back on... Now, the mouse isn't working... and my computer is beeping incessantly!!!! So, now I have to drag the thing over to ITS after work, further delaying my homework time. I would do it now, but I don't have a printer here, so I can't print off my research... This on top of Mom's little idea yesterday...

Can I just cry? :-P

EDIT: Ok, I got back, turned on my computer for the third time, and it was fine. Apparently it was just a fluke...

But boy did that beeping thing freak me out!

Oh yeah, I'm done with homework! Whoo-hoo! Of course, now it's so late I might as well just stay up the rest of the night and study... if I go to sleep now I won't wake up in the morning. :P

Tuesday, October 21, 2003


My mother..... *shakes head* That's all I'm gonna say for now...

*head goes **clunk** on the desk*


Saturday, October 18, 2003

[And Back Up I Go]

Sometimes I wonder why I bother to post... As far as I know, no one ever reads these... but it does help me get stuff off my chest better than in an ordinary journal. Anywho...

Well, my campus fever has gone down a few notches, so I'm kind of relieved. Unique Ensemble (the gospel choir I sing in up here at school) has its big fall concert tomorrow, so I'm getting pretty excited. I'm still looking for a camera person, but I'm sure I'll be fine. We have some really awesome songs this semester, songs that make you think.

Last night I saw Pirates of the Caribbean (my all-time favorite movie!) for the fifth and sixth times, because campus had a free viewing at 6:30 and 9:00. So, to make life a little more interesting, I dressed up as a pirate. I didn't get any pics, but it's my Halloween costume, so I'll get some pics and post them in my album soon, in early November.

Oh, and update on "Battle of the Shy"... Let's see, I now have my parents, my roommates, and some of my closest friends really getting on my case about spilling my guts... or, they threaten, they're going to do it themselves. Scary thought... but there is just no way. They're trying to convince me that the evidence is too strong that he (no, I'm not going to tell you who :P) likes me, but I've been hurt too many times to just lay my heart on the line... especially in this case. I consider him to be good friend, so I'm afraid to jeopardize that friendship, and besides... this one just "feels" different... it's hard to put in words. Argh... if he does like me, I hope and pray he'll be brave enough to say something... my courage in that particular area is spent. :P I want to be brave enough to say something, but it's just not going to happen. I can't. There's no real "reason" why I'm such a wuss about it, I'm just shy, and I despise that shyness. It's not to say I haven't come a long way... in fact, the fact that I even talk to the guy (and I do! I really do! Actual conversation! I'm so proud of myself...) is evidence of just how far I've come in the last couple of years. But I still have so far left to go. *sigh*

Here's song for you to ponder over:

We bow our hearts, we bend our knees
Oh Spirit come make us humble
We turn our eyes from evil things
Oh Lord we cast down our idols

Give us clean hands!
Give us pure hearts!
Let us not lift our souls to another.

Oh God, let us be a generation that seeks
That seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob!

Thursday, October 16, 2003

[Campus Fever]

I have got campus fever so badly this year, and I just don't know why... well, I have a sneaking suspicion as to one reason, but there has got to be more to it than that. I really want to be closer to home. Right now, I'm six hours away from home, so the only time I can really go home is when I have a 3 day weekend or longer. Basically, that's 3 times per semester. Yeah. So the breaks are few and far between, and I'm just itching to go home, sleep in my own bed, see people I know (and have known for a while), go to my home church, to have some privacy... To tell you the truth, if I wasn't signed up to go study abroad in Scotland for second semester next year, I think I would transfer to a school closer to home. As it is, study abroad falls at the end of my junior year, so it would be useless to transfer. So, I'm stuck, and that's driving me even crazier. If I was closer to home, it's not like I'd go home every weekend or anything, but at least I would be close enough to home that I could go home if I wanted to. Arrrrgh. Oooh... I don't know what my problem is. My mind is all over the place this week. I'd say I need a break, but I just got back from a break... Maybe I need a longer break... maybe that's it... I don't know! Argh! I know this much: when Branson seems exciting, I know something's out of whack...

I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. Maybe my head will stop swimming by tomorrow. I hope so anyway...

Oh, if anyone wants to call and talk to me this weekend, *wink wink nudge nudge* a really good time to try to catch me will be Saturday from 3:30 to 9:30. Call me on my cell phone because I'll be working at the hall desk and I won't really have a whole lot else to do other than ever-so-exciting homework and writing out birthday thank you cards. :P

[Ups and Downs]

I'm up...Now I'm down...And I'm up...Now I'm down again...Aaaaand we're up again.

I don't think I believe in being static. I'm up and down in a matter of days, even hours. If it confuses you, don't feel bad. You're no more confused than I am, except maybe a little less confused even. You don't have to witness my mind wandering all over the place... geez.

Anywho, if you notice, my last up-down rotation above ended on up, so obviously, I'm up. I'm back up partially because of a reason I'm choosing not to disclose... because I don't know who all reads this, and it's potentially embarrassing. And also, my grades are looking slightly more optimistic... I have an A in anthropology (!), which makes perfect sense, since I only have an 80%... I have an A- in speech... I'm 1% away from an A in Psychology... and I think I went up today thanks to a 20 point pop quiz that you can't fail... and I have the potential to get an A in history... The only class that's driving me psycho now, and probably will for the rest of the semester, is Trigonometry. I am just not a math person. Never have been, probably never will be, although not for a lack of effort. Math is evil... that's that. :-P

Yup... this has been deep. Methinks it could have something to do with having to get up for a 7:30 trig class this morning... Hmmm... I think I shall take me a nap, and see if my mind is more intelligent after I awaken. :P


Monday, October 13, 2003

[Letting Go: The Daily Struggle]

I started something like this in the comments of an earlier blog, and then I realized that it was too big for comments.

We have to let go. Of what? Of our past, of our pains, of our weaknesses, of our disbelief, of our pride, of our sins, of our selfish desires, of our hatred, of our discrimination, and of our legalism when it becomes more important than our faith. This is a daily struggle. Each day, we need to rise up and give these over to God and let Him deal with it. We can't just do this once a week or once a month and expect it to give us the go-ahead for the remainder of the time. Each day, these things pile up in our lives, and unless we take up the cross of Christ and let Him deal with our own little trappings of daily life and circumstance, it's going to pile up and crush us. You know what I'm talking about from experience, whether you admit it or not. You may have made some headway in getting closer to the point of getting past it, but it's still there, and you still have had to struggle with it. We all do. Take comfort in knowing you're not alone, but rather in good company; but realize that it's your choice whether you hold on to it or give it to God. And believe me, the latter choice contains a whole lot more peace and joy.

Lord Jesus, take my pains and my selfish desires from me. Show me Your holy will and help me to follow wherever You lead me. I surrender myself to You alone. In Jesus's name, Amen.

[Battle of the Shy]

"Tell him!"
I can't!
"Oh come on..."
You know me better than that.
"But he acts like he likes you..."
Yeah, but he could just be trying to be a friend... I don't want to make it awkward if that's the case.
"Come on... Just tell him!"
I'm too shy!

Just when I think I'm getting past the shyness, situations like this arise, and I feel like I'm right back where I started. I just hope that if "he" does like me, he's not as shy as me, and he'll just say something. Otherwise...

Oh well... anyway, I had a wonderful birthday weekend! I went home, I'm relaxed and recuperated, so bring on the world! Uh, well, maybe a tiny part... I didn't have that long of a weekend... and I still have stuff on my mind... Never mind... Bring on the next break! :D

Wednesday, October 08, 2003


As of 7:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, I will have forever crossed the threshold out of adolescence...

Oh happy day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Sunday, October 05, 2003


Lord, I miss my Momma. It's been over 10 years now, and I think I miss her more with every year that passes. I miss being able to talk to her, to ask her what she felt when or what she went through when. God, I need to let her go, but I keep wanting to have her here with me, physically. Lord, I know she's so much happier with You, and I accept that. I just miss her so much! I miss that she wasn't there to hug me after graduation. I miss that she isn't going to be there, physically, at my wedding. I miss being able to hug her, to hold her hand. God, I understand she's much happier now, but it hurts so much sometimes. Like right now, for example. I miss that I didn't get to have her with me all through my adolescence, and I'm not going to have her throughout my entire adulthood. I miss that I didn't get to really know her. Help me, please. Help me let go. God I thank you for the wonderful parents you gave me in her place, but You know as well as I do that nothing can really take that place, to really fill that void. Help me, but don't let me forget, because I'm beginning to forget. I was so young, and so much time has passed. I can handle the pain of missing her, just as long as I don't forget. Please...

God, I thank You and I praise You for You are my Prince of Peace and Everlasting Father.

In the Name of Yeshua Ha'Mashiach,

Thursday, October 02, 2003


The countdown:


Thursday, September 25, 2003

[Out of the Mire]

Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
(Whole Chapter: Psalm 40 In context: Psalm 40:1-3)
Psalm 69:14
Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters.

1. An area of wet, soggy, muddy ground; a bog.
2. Deep slimy soil or mud.
This morning around 3 am, I was laying in bed trying to sleep, going over a conversation I’d had with a girl who is struggling to let go and give everything over to God. As I thought about it and prayed for her, the word “mire” suddenly popped into my head (coincidence? I think not). Unfortunately, I couldn’t really get around to typing this up last night, so I made a note to myself to post this sometime soon. So here it is.

Let’s talk about a mire. A mire, according to that definition I just listed above, kind of resembles a quicksand effect, doesn’t it? At least, you certainly wouldn’t want to get stuck in one. But let’s say you are stuck in a mire. First, instinctively, you struggle on your own to get out. But the mire sucks you in even further. When you realize this, your next instinct is to give up. But of course, gravity is still a factor, and you’re still sinking. No matter what you do, you are being pulled down. Now let’s say someone comes along, and sees you in the mire. He or she offers to help pull you out. If you let this person help you, you’re probably going to get out because the force helping you comes from the outside. But what if you don’t realize they can help you? “I’ve already tried to get out. It’s impossible.” The person replies to you that he or she is on solid ground, so he or she has a foothold, unlike you. But you are stubborn, determined that if you can’t get yourself out, no one can. Meanwhile, you keep sinking.

We’re faced with an identical dilemma in life, both before we become Christians, and very often after we become Christians. I think the before dilemma pretty well explains itself, but what about after we become Christians? Very often, after we become Christians, we try to hold on to bits of our old life. Although we’re out of the deep end of the mire, we keep slipping back in because we are unwilling to let Christ pull us the rest of the way out. We thank Him for pulling us out, but we ask Him to set us down right back by the edge, because we don’t want change too soon. The idea of a whole new life frightens us, even if it’s accompanied by a promise of safety. We hold on to the old ways and start sinking again. Then, we struggle to ‘fix’ things on our own. Pretty soon, we realize, we can’t do it on our own, but often, instead of asking for help, we just give up. We’ve already called on Christ, so why would He want to come back and help us again? Meanwhile, He calls to us, offering His hand. Do we accept or not? It’s a matter of giving everything over to Him and letting Him set us where He wants us, where we’re safe.

Are you out of the mire yet?

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

[Hearing from God]

Lately, I don't know. I seem to be more open to what He has in store for me, and it's almost frightening. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wants me to go into counselling [edit: yeah, um, not so much] and I am daily reaffirmed in this realization. But at the same time, I think He's testing my commitment to follow His will for my life. He sends people across my path that really touch (and break) my heart, and it's like he's saying, Ok, so you say you're ready to follow me. Good. But do you know what you're getting into? You are going to face this nearly every day of your life, and you'll have to have the fortitude to face it head on and not break. So, are you truly ready to go where I lead you? It's not going to be easy, but you will have far more joy in the long run.

Well, I myself am not ready. I can't do this. It frightens me, and I never know what to say in these situations. But you know what? I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah, I can't do this, but God can. In fact, because I can't do this myself, I give Him the room to do it for me, which is far more effective. When I'm tongue-tied, He speaks through me. And He, not I, changes their lives. I just pray they realize that it's not me, but my Lord, Yeshua Ha'Mashiach.

I have more to say, but I'll post it later tonight or tomorrow.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

[Hyper, Happy, Giddy...On the Wrong Day]

You know, I'm not always this cheerful. On the whole, I'm a happy person, just not...actively happy like I am right now. Which is great... I'm happy that I'm so danged happy (bad, huh?), but I feel like I'm happy on the wrong day. As most of you can see, it's the second anniversary of 9-11, and I feel like I should be more serious, remembering. And I am remembering. But I can't be sad today. Which is... sad, really. I'm in a good mood, and I'm enjoying it. I just kind of wish my moods would choose more appropriate days to show up. Now, if it were my birthday, it'd be a lot more appropriate.

Why I am letting myself feel guilty? I have a right to be happy any day. In fact, it's my prerogative as born-again person--joy in the face of sorrow, although joy is not the same thing as happiness or giddiness, but still.

I wonder... is it wise for me to go into psychology? I may discover just how nuts I really am... and that would be depressing... but I'm too hyper and happy to care right now, so... Gah! I'm an emotion basketcase today! *runs around the living room then finally calms down... a little anyway...*

I may post later tonight when I'm not so... weird.

Have a blessed day!

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

[My Purpose in Life]

Finally! I finally (think I) know what it is God wants me to do (careerwise)!!! What a relief!

I am going to be a Christian counsellor for teens and young adults. So, my plan is to switch my major to Psychology (hopefully, this is my last switch), and I will finish my Bachelor's degree here. Then I plan to attend graduate school at a Christian university where I will find out how to put Psych into a Christian perspective.

Man, this is great! I don't feel like I'm going to walk into a brick wall anymore. Sweet!

On a not-so-cheery note, I had a moment of elegance and gracefulness yesterday. Here I was, speedwalking to class (yeah, I was running a bit late, so sue me), and I tripped. Not only did I trip, I fell--hard. So, now I have a skinned knee and scraped up hands. Yay. Oh yeah, and about 10 people watched me tumble flat on my face, and would you believe it, not ONE of them was kind enough to even ask from a distance if I was ok. Not one! So therefore my views on the general curtesy of mankind is somewhat marred, and I am somewhat miffed (and a bit stiff while we're on the subject).

Off to bed I go! I have a long day tomorrow. Have a blessed day!

29 days left of the teens! Yessss!

Monday, September 01, 2003

[Summer... Where Art Thou?]

Oh summer... where have you gone? I was just starting to have fun, then WHAM! It's the end of August and back to school time. By the way, I'm temporarily over the mood I was in last time I wrote here. Yeah, I'm still a little lonely, but I have complete faith that it'll happen when God is ready for it to happen... (I just wonder how much longer)

You know, it seems the older and wiser I grow, the more confused I get. I won't share the details, but gah! all the weird news I've been getting lately! And with each passing month, the news gets weirder. Just when I thought life couldn't get any stranger, I get a phone call or an IM saying, "You'll never believe this, but..." And the sad thing is... I really can hardly believe it. Life is, for lack of a better term WEIRD!!!

Ok, it's about 2 in the morning, and I think my roommate wants to get some sleep, so hopefully I'll find some more time in the near future to do a bit more blogging.

Later peeps!

(38 days left of the teens! Whoo-hoo!)

Thursday, July 10, 2003

[Obligatory Singleness Lamenting]

It was weird. All school year, I hardly minded a bit that I was single. At any rate, I was too busy to really be lonely, but I guess now that summer is here and the only thing I have going on is a part-time job, I have plenty of time to be lonely and to make it worse by watching all those wonderfully romantic movies that make me so darned cheerful, until I wake up and realize, yeah, that chick wasn't me... argh...

In all truth, it isn't so much that I mind being single. Actually, it's nice that I don't have to be worrying about if 'he' really loves me, etc., but what I do mind is the fact that I don't know what it's like NOT to be single. I would like to have my first kiss, go on a date in which I actually have feelings for the guy, and to have my first boyfriend. I'm not trying to marry myself off just yet, but I do want to experience a little bit of romance. Is that so much to ask? I dunno... maybe it is. And it really doesn't help that I've been dreaming that I'm in a relationship quite a few times in the last month or so...

Oh well. I'll get over it soon I'm sure. It goes against my personality to stay in one mood (depressed or ecstatic) for more than a week or two anyway...

91 Days Left of Being a Teenager! Yes!

Friday, May 02, 2003

[And I Was Doing So Well...]

*slurs speech slightly* Well, I wasn't sick all year for once, and here I am less that 2 weeks from summer vacation, and suddenly, I have an upper respiratory infection! So I'm slightly drowsy from the cough medicine, and all I wanna do is go crawl in my bed and go to sleep, but I can't. Durn it!

Actually, I think I WILL set my alarm for 3:30 and take a nap... I'm done with my homework, and besides, I'm sick. I need plenty of rest and fluids.

Yeah, and I also need a life. :) Ok, well, this makes sense to me, but I doubt it will 2 weeks from now when I'm home, rested up, and healthy, but oh well.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

[Dating Blues]

Well, I went on my first date... and he's nice... I just don't like him that way, y'know? But hey, at least I have the first one out of the way! And as for those of you who are gonna say, "I told you so!": don't. Like I said, I had to find that one out for myself, and I still feel that way, so ha! There ya go. Oh guess what! I get to live in an apartment next semester! Yay! No more community bathroom! =D It's all good.

Later, peeps!

Friday, February 21, 2003

[Where Have All the Summers Gone?]

Oh, Summer, Summer... Where art thou Summer?!
This whole college thing is kinda stressful...

Lauren, if you read this, Happy Birthday 1 day late! MWAH!

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

[Go 80s! Go 80s! Go 80s!]

EDITED: Let me add Strawberry Shortcake... How cool was she?! =)

My proof that our childhood generation ROCKED!:

Our up-to-date list of 80s shows/toys remakes:
++He Man and the Masters of the Universe (cartoon network)
++Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Fox, Sat. mornings)

See? They're running out of ideas! They're going back to our wonderful classics! I'll stand firm that we had the BEST cartoons of any generation... I wonder when they'll bring back She-Ra and Fraggle Rock? *cackles delightedly*

Friday, February 07, 2003

[Countdown to Singles Awareness Day Continues]

7 Days to Singles' Awareness Day!!! Yay! Well, not quite yay, but I do quite enjoy making fun of Valentine's Day in such a way... It cheers me up.

Monday, February 03, 2003

[Just Call Me Pippi]

My hair is very red. It should fade... at least, I hope it does... It wasn't supposed to be this red! Eep! Ok, I better go to bed. Long day tomorrow. I just wanted to get that out of my system.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

[In the LOTR Spirit...]

Here's my Middle-Earth information!

According to the Red Book of Westmarch,
In Middle-earth, Niki Cox was a
Daring Ranger

Elven Name Possibilities for Niki Cox
The root name suitable for feminine and masculine is:
More feminine versions are:

Hobbit lass name for Niki Cox
Dora Brown from Tuckborough

Dwarven Name for Niki Cox
Káin Musicskull

Orkish Name for Niki Cox
Globdûl the Choker

Don't you just love the last one? How friendly!

And another site came up with:
Elvish for Niki: Uruviel Amandil
Elvish for Nicole: Nienna Amandil
Hobbit for Niki: Lily Boggy-Hillocks
Hobbit for Nicole: Dimple Boggy-Hillocks

I feel all fancy! :D

EDIT: Oh, and here's Middle Earth for Nicole.

According to the Red Book of Westmarch,
In Middle-earth, Nicole Cox was a
Cheerful Snaga

Elven Name Possibilities for Nicole Cox
The root name suitable for feminine and masculine is:
More feminine versions are:

Hobbit lass name for Nicole Cox
Pearl Goodbody from Tookbank

Dwarven Name for Nicole Cox
Fundin Tombfoot

Orkish Name for Nicole Cox
Azbad the Maimer

Saturday, January 04, 2003

Friday, January 03, 2003

[I need some prayer, if anyone ever reads this.]

I'm a little heartsick right now. I think I'm kind of lonely, you know, a little tired of never dating, etc. Keep in mind, I'm not asking for advice, I just need prayer. Besides, I've heard all the advice you could ever tell me, and I'm sure I'd have no problem reciting every piece to you. I don't know why it's getting to me so bad all of a sudden. I just have this feeling of, I want out of here, I want to go anywhere but here. I want to know what it's like to be in that kind of a relationship. I really believe that God would not allow me to have this desire if I wasn't meant to fall in love someday, and to be loved in return. That's a bit of a comfort and all, but that does nothing about this kind of slight depression, loneliness. Mind you, it's nothing severe, this depression. It's more of a sadness that comes and goes, and for now, it's here. I'm just a bit tired of watching everyone else experience "life". I have about a thousand other things to say about it, but I don't have the words to express this. Just pray, please. I know it will work.

And I'll probably delete this when I get over this pathetic state of mind.

Ok, I'm done venting. Thanks for reading.