Monday, August 13, 2001


Lord, the emptiness in in my heart
Grows more powerful each day
Am I meant to stay alone?
Will no one ever love me?
I long for a love of my own
Strong, tender arms to hold me
We'd look at one another
And we would just...know
It hurts to be alone when
I am surrounded by true love
I would give so much, Lord
If I could only feel
Those strong, gentle arms
For only one fleeting moment

Saturday, August 11, 2001

I think ripping out my heart would have been less painful. The worst part is: He has no idea! I should have seen it coming. Really, though, I did. I just didn't want to face up to what I knew would happen. I looked over, and there it was: THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS!!! Right under my nose it happened. Not that anything I would have said would have mattered. I'm 80% sure that it was another one of those "I like you as a friend" things. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. He'll go on talking to me just like normal. I'll have to learn to hide the tears and smile while I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. He may ask me what's wrong, and all I'll be able to do is tell him I wish I could tell him. At moments, I wish I would have said something.....then I remember how few guy friends I actually have, and realize that it would have hurt more to lose his friendship, new as it is. Maybe this will be her first short-lived relationship......or not.

I'm so tired of being alone.