Sunday, December 23, 2001

Graduation: T minus 146 days and counting!
With the exception of Middle School, this has got to be the worst scholastic year yet! Dude! There were 4 chickfights in 2 days, all started by freshmen and sophomores. How bad is that?! College apprehension?! HA! Anything's gotta be better than this!
I need a nap! G'nite!

Monday, August 13, 2001


Lord, the emptiness in in my heart
Grows more powerful each day
Am I meant to stay alone?
Will no one ever love me?
I long for a love of my own
Strong, tender arms to hold me
We'd look at one another
And we would just...know
It hurts to be alone when
I am surrounded by true love
I would give so much, Lord
If I could only feel
Those strong, gentle arms
For only one fleeting moment

Saturday, August 11, 2001

I think ripping out my heart would have been less painful. The worst part is: He has no idea! I should have seen it coming. Really, though, I did. I just didn't want to face up to what I knew would happen. I looked over, and there it was: THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS!!! Right under my nose it happened. Not that anything I would have said would have mattered. I'm 80% sure that it was another one of those "I like you as a friend" things. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. He'll go on talking to me just like normal. I'll have to learn to hide the tears and smile while I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. He may ask me what's wrong, and all I'll be able to do is tell him I wish I could tell him. At moments, I wish I would have said something.....then I remember how few guy friends I actually have, and realize that it would have hurt more to lose his friendship, new as it is. Maybe this will be her first short-lived relationship......or not.

I'm so tired of being alone.

Tuesday, July 31, 2001

Cheerio, g'vnah!

'Ello, blokes! 'Ow ere ya? London was smashing, baby. I picked me up a few British boys, met Prince William, and now, we're the best of friends.

Ok, back to reality.....I walked--a lot. I mean A LOT! But I loved it. I'll be sure to give you the whole story once I've recovered from the jet lag.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

Monday, July 02, 2001

The Letdown (A True Story)

*brrrrrring......brrrrrring* Mom answers the phone (oh please be him, oh please be him!)..."Niki, it's for you." (oh yes! maybe!)
*Cheerfully* "Hello?"
"Hi, I'm an admission counsellor from Creighton University...."
I don't know why I do this stuff to myself. It's the same thing every time, and I always get myself hyped up then heartbroken. Do me a favor, ok? Next time the phone rings and it's for me, if it isn't a male voice, just hang up for me.
I'm gonna go crawl back in my fetus position in my little shell...... Don't come for me unless it's him......

Thursday, June 28, 2001

Sorry, the link doesn't work anymore... I'm only keeping this entry for the memories...

Everyone go see Spanky! Sign her guestbook and let her know how much you love her! If you don't love her, fake it, for

Saturday, June 23, 2001

Slacker... or am I?

Hi everyone! I am soooo lazy...or maybe I'm just too busy. Hmmmm. Look! I'm posting! Aren't you all so proud of me! I'll try not to slack off so much. Well...let's see... I've been to Florida (got sunburned and blistered, natch), I went to church camp, and next month I'm going to choir camp and on a mission trip. Cool, huh? I am so broke right now, yo. But I'm home now, so I'll be keeping up a little better. Later loves!

Monday, April 09, 2001

MAP Analysis

ah, the MAP tests. These are how the state of Missouri finds out whether or not our public school we attend is as moronic as we the students say it is. We screw up on the tests, they think we ain't learnin' nuthin', an' they assume the school ain't teachin' nuthin'. *cackles evilly* Ahem.

Thursday, April 05, 2001

*Does a Little Giddy Dance*

Hee! I am giddy! I got a really special compliment today from a secretly really special person!!!! He'll never know just how much he made my day!!! Sigggghhhhhh....... To bad there's no future for me with a guy who's sweet but doesn't date.......
Take the Divalog Poll!

Saturday, March 31, 2001

HS Stressin'

Now why is it that each teacher seems to think that they are the only one that gives out homework???? I have a major research thesis report to do on the life of Maya Angelou for Adv. Eng. III, I have to do a Agencia de Viajes presentation (poster, brochure, travel dictionary) to do, and both are due the same week! Plus, for Interior Design, I have a cross-stitch thing due Monday, and I don't know how to do the stupid French knots! I'm not a homemaker-type person. I'm an artist. What's so hard to understand about that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I'll be so glad when it's summer.........

Friday, March 30, 2001


I'm happy.
No, nothing remarkable happened, I didn't have a great day at school, etc...........

So why am I so gosh darned cheerful?

This nasal decongestant is some goooooooood stuff, baby! =)

Wednesday, March 28, 2001


I am freezing to death. Yet I'm too lazy and stubborn to walk across the house to get me a blanket or a sweatshirt.

Sign my guestbook, whether you've signed it before or not. I feel loved when people say hello.....

Tuesday, March 27, 2001

Does anyone know of a cure for me?????????

Give It to God

When all you get is pain
Give it to God
When loved ones desert you
Give it to God
When you think you’re alone
Give it to God
When everyone is against you
Give it to God
When you cry at night
Give it to God
When you walk through the storms
Give it to God
When choices overwhelm you
Give it to God
When burdens grow too heavy
Give it to God
When you jump for joy
Give it to God
He will share you pain if you
Give it to God
He will double your joy if you
Give it to God
He’ll guide your paths if you
Give it to God
He bore your cross
Gave His life for you
Surrender your sins and
Give them to God

Days until I'm officially a senior: 53

I'm already showing clear signs of that infamous infirmity Senioritis....should I be worried?????

Tiny Little Boost of Self-Esteem

Really cool thing happened. Last week, I was sitting at my desk, and I accidentally knocked my pencil off my desk. The two guys (one of them is pretty dang cute, too) practically dove for it. I just sorta said, "Thanks," (the cute one got to it first), then thinking, added, "both of you." Then I kinda turned away, blushed, and suppressed a squeal. Yeah, I'm still a loser that gets excited when a guy says hi, but if anyone has an excuse, I, "the queen of singleness", do. =)

Sunday, March 18, 2001

Niki's Crush Cycle

1) Some guy says hello, smiles at me, or strikes up a friendly conversation.
2) I start to think
3) It occurs to me that we have stuff in common
4) I tell myself to forget it now before it's too late and the past repeats itself
5) I let down my guard and daydream
6) I go out of my way to "run into him"
7) I debate whether or not to tell him
8) Either I am just about to tell him, and he gets a girlfriend that I am friends with or no competition for,
8) I tell him and he doesn't feel that way (9/10 times)
9) I am brokenhearted for a while
10) Someone else says hello and...
11) Hmmmmmm.........

Monday, March 12, 2001


My emotions are completely haywire. Some of my closest buds are really depressing me with some of the stuff they're doing to themselves. On the other hand...I'm madly in (puppy) love again! =P :)

To One of my Dearest Friends:
Dear _______,
Remember the fun we used to have?
Playing Barbies, dress-up, and pretend
The bond we had was so tight
Nothing could come between us
You're younger, but we were on the same level
The years could have been weeks
The day I entered high school
I entered a whole new world
But I knew we'd still be close
Nothing could come between us, we were tight
Two years pass, and you're coming
You'll be a freshman soon
I promised to show you the ropes
To warn you of the "bad" crowd
You always were more popular
But it didn't matter, because
Six years of friendship was too strong
The week before, we giggled and made plans
But you forgot our plans (and me)
When you walked through those doors
Six months later we barely speak
Hardly a smile in the halls
Your many new friends seem to fill my place
You are drifting so far away
But what could I say to you?
I miss the time we had together
But mostly I miss you
I still consider you my dearest friend
But the question is: Am I yours?

BFF (?),

Thursday, February 22, 2001

This song played at the end of every episode of She-ra and at the beginning of "Secret of the Sword":

Somewhere out there someone needs me
I don't know how or where but believe me
I'll walk the universe to find her
For better or for worse beside her

(chorus) For the honor of Love
By the power above
I have the power (2x)

A stranger walked into my world
And when he talked I really heard
He spoke of things like love and peace
The joy it brings will never cease

The truth of love will always guide us
His strength above will be inside us
Forevermore we'll be together
Our hearts will soar one to the other
For the honor of Love
By the power above
We have the power
We have the power so can you!

I love that song, yo! =)

Saturday, February 17, 2001

Are You Sure?

ok, so maybe you all don't remember she-ra, but before you're sure, check out and look at some of the pics on the site...yes, I know how pathetic I am, so you don't have to tell me. =)

Thursday, February 15, 2001

He-Man and She-ra

Who remembers He-Man and She-ra? Sign the guestbook and let me know! I'm on a She-ra kick again.

Lauren has her anime, and I have my She-ra! She was my childhood hero, yo! The eighties weren't as bad as some people made them out to be. I am most definitely a child of the eighties!

Wednesday, February 14, 2001

Wanna Know How My Day Was?

I'd like to take time out to wish everyone a happy Singles' Awareness Day (if you don't get it, you're obviously not single!).
Summary of my day:
~All the couples are exchanging gifts and flowers and holding hand when I arrive this morning at school
~The office is chock full of balloons, flowers, and gifts--the most ever
~70% of the people I pass in the hallways are "with someone"
~99% of the decent guys are taken, or have no clue I like them, and I could never tell them anyway
~I have never seen so many hearts before in my life! *gags involuntarily*
~Of course, 50% of our assignments were based on Loooove
~The Wolfcall newspaper had a page of Valentine's messages--yet again, void of my name
~All of my friends that are girls in my school, get this, have boyfriends! ARGH!

Have a nice day!

Tuesday, February 13, 2001

Looks like it's going to be my 17th Valentine's Day alone in a row.

I'm listening to "Little Man" by the O.C. Supertones. Sooo cool. I got to see them at Youthlink 2000 last year. Dude, I am jammin'!

Wednesday, February 07, 2001

17 Years and 3 Months Old

What stinks more than being a 17 1/4 year old girl and having never had a boyfriend?

The realization that you are a 17 1/4 year old girl whose only relationship lasted 10 minutes--and that he was the one who did the asking out and breaking up!

Funny, I didn't have so much trouble back in first grade!

Or did I?

Wednesday, January 31, 2001

Should I Be Insulted?

This is the second time in 2 days that Lauren has, what I like to call, e-hung up on me! Twice while we were chatting she either got offline or was kicked offline before she gave me any warning! Hrmph! I'm insulted! Not really. =)

Monday, January 29, 2001

Sixteen Months Until Graduation.

I used to think, Ohmigosh! That's sooner than I want it to be! Now I can't wait. Contrary to the experiences of the majority of high school students, my first two years were better. Oh well. Maybe next year will be the cool year. =)

Sunday, January 28, 2001

Growing Pains

Growing up. We all looked forward to it as kids. We all wanted more respect, so on and so forth. You remember, right? Then we all get the horrible truth. Growing up sucks. If you're like me, half of your friends screw up, and you're left to either pick up the pieces or mourn the loss of their old selves.

One of these days, the depressing blogs will stop. Scout's honor!

Friday, January 19, 2001

Let's Protest School!

Remember the Flintstones' Vitamins commercial? "Ten million strong....and growing." Well, contrary to my school's opinion (they've pounded me with finals less than 2 weeks after I started back to school), I'm not quite to that point yet. I'll admit that I am getting stronger and all (for example: I don't gasp for breath anymore when I finally get to my classes between periods), but I still have a ways to go.

Oh! speaking of my school, it has the world's stupidest policy for final exams. It's new this year. Instead of it being based on merits (all A's, no finals), it's based on attendance. So in other words, I could be failing all my subjects but only miss one day of school, and I wouldn't have to go to school on those two days or take the finals. Or, as it is in my case, I could be making straight A's but miss a month of school because I was in the hospital, and have to take the finals. All the teachers have to give finals, and if I were to make a bad grade because I couldn't be in school the learn the crap, it'll bring down my GPA, which is my only hope to get into the college I want to get into. We just cannot afford a $20,000 per year tuition.

Aren't school boards smart?

Monday, January 08, 2001's over. The crappiest month of my entire life has finally come to a close. Remember that surgery? Well, everything went wrong! It's by the grace of God I got through all the incompetence of Disease Control and an unnamed company. I am still extremely weak right now. But I'm HOME!!!!!!! I am sooo glad.

Oh, here's a good one. Before I got sick (and after the surgery), I was having a night where I had a horrible headache. I still had a lot of anesthetic in me, so my brain was practically mush anyway. Anyways, the pain killer wasn't killing the pain. I was not quite awake, so I kept dreaming that my headache could be cured if the nurse would put in the right html code! (I thought Lauren would get a kick out of that) Well, catch ya'lls later!